Last night, Avram Grant revealed on Israeli TV last night that Chelsea are after Yuri Zhirkov, rather than current soup du jour Andrei Arshavin. Quite how the Toad would be privy to this information and be in a position to reveal it on television is beyond us, but it would be highly titillating to hear Londoners shouting “Jerkoff!” in unison next season…
The Cristiano Ronaldo saga latest
A shocking development today, as The Sun have actually given Spain’s victory prominence and kept Ronaldo off their back page. Fear not though, he’s still on the front. Nothing has changed: Queiroz admitted contracts mean nothing in football and Real Madrid are waiting for Man United to do something.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: This story still has months to run
Ronaldinho to reject Manchester City
Nobody will be too shocked to hear that Ronaldinho isn’t quite so keen to move to Manchester after all, though what is slightly surprising is that the Brazilian has reportedly set his heart on staying at the Nou Camp.
Stamford bridge to host a home defeat before November
Remember February 15th 2004? [Actually, it was February 21st. Obviously we don’t remember it too well - Ed.] On that day, Dennis Wise’s Millwall were months away from an FA Cup Final and England had qualified safely for the summer’s European Championship. In the Premiership, Arsenal beat Claudio Ranieri’s Chelsea 2-1 at Stamford Bridge, and brought themselves a step closer to becoming unbeaten champions. This was Chelsea’s last domestic home loss in 90 minutes.
Months later, Jose Mourinho swept into West London and seduced fans with his irresistible charm and boring football, and in three years his only home losses came to Barcelona in the Champions League and, more embarrassingly, Charlton in a League Cup penalty shootout.
Avram Grant arrived with a lot less gusto last season but even he, considered by most Chelsea fans as a Boris Johnson-esque bumbling clown, kept the unbeaten run alive.
But the amazing run started to become a strain, as highlighted in struggles against Aston Villa and Arsenal, and while it was unthinkable Chelsea would lose a home league game under Mourinho, it became an imminent threat under The Toad.
Considering Chelsea’s first five home opponents next season, Luiz Felipe Scolari will have to perform remarkably well to see Chelsea out of October with the home record intact.
First up is Portsmouth, who will no doubt be buoyed
Mark Hughes would do well to listen to the parable of Big Sam. Sam Allardyce was one of the most promising managers in English football and one of the leading contenders for the national team job at one point until he decided to leave his club Bolton for a team who finished lower in the table and had an impatient chairman. Now poor Sam finds his reputation in tatters.
Mark Hughes - 4/11 Despite being considered a contender for the Chelsea job, Hughes is now the odds-on favourite to take over at Manchester City. But Hughes’ Blackburn finished above City this season and have a much more patient chairman so would it really be a step in the right direction for the former Wales manager?
Verdict: Could be career suicide
Blues’ dream of being Premier League’s most entertaining club in sight - during the summer at least
In spite of guiding Chelsea to within a spot kick of the Champions League, a penalty which he could hardly be blamed for missing, thunder-faced Avram Grant has been asked to lose Chelsea’s number and stop bothering them in exchange for a large cheque.
Mr Grant, who you’ll recall was also a whisker away from winning the Premier League, a goal which he may have accomplished if his predecessor Jose Mourinho had bothered to do his job properly in the first few games of the season, instead of conducting a high stakes game of ego chess with his employer, will now have plenty of time on his hands to read the papers.
There, he will find a great deal of information to intrigue him, such as reports of recent warm conversations between Mr Mourinho and Mr Abramovich (The Sun), and news that Roman Abramovich recently gave the same Mr Mourinho the GBP2 million Ferrari of his dreams (the Observer) - a 612 Scaglietti. Mr Grant must feel like the wife who has just
As absolutely everyone knows, before the biggest match of the season, the battle begins in the press. We like to call it The Battle of the Brains. Already Chelsea and Man United have been trading blows like furious tots in a street fight.
Rooney on Drogba: Sometimes it seems as if his head is not there, but when he is playing at his best he is an unbelievable player.
Vidic on Drogba: Sometimes he goes in very strong, and sometimes he pretends he is very weak. He plays with your mind and tries to make you think about the next tackle. He can pretend he fell down to win a penalty, but referees know that. The Champions League final is a big game and I’m sure the ref will know his job.
Chelsea gaffer the latest to jump on the Man Utd bias bandwagon
In a bid to introduce his own brand of Fergie-style mind games, Avram Grant has come out claiming ref Steve Bennett helped Manchester Utd win the Premier League title. It’s true that Scholes’ terrible tackle was overlooked and Rio’s handball went unseen at the JJB, but can The Toad honestly claim they were these conscious decisions on Bennett’s part? Are the men in black really in bed with United? Let us know what you think with votes and comments below, please.
Current Citeh manager said to be holding out for the Blues
It appears that Sven Goran Eriksson is just a few days away from another gigantic dismissal pay-off (£5m to be exact) and he has already held talks with Benfica. However, today’s Guardian reports that he stands a very good chance of taking Avram Grant’s job this summer, and it sounds like a credible scenario - Sven discussed a move to to Chelsea while he was still England manager, and his passion for money ought to deter him from taking a pay cut in Portugal.
So who do you think would do a better job at the Bridge next season - the Toad or the Swede? Votes and comments below, please.
Much-maligned Chelsea boss is on the verge of greatness
When Jose Mourinho walked the plank of the Good Ship Chelsea, no one expected his replacement to last more than a few games. But here we are, and Avram Grant is just two games from giving Chelsea their best season ever. With the Toad at the helm, the results have kept on coming, yet he faces criticism and constant talk of his imminent succession.
He may not have a UEFA Pro License, a good pedigree in management or the ability to show emotions through facial expressions, but does Avram really deserve the boot based on this season’s performances? Votes and comments below, please.
Newcastle boss believes the traditional handshake is so passé
As Harry Enfield’s ‘Big Bob Joylove’ proved beyond reasonable doubt, nothing endears you to a rival, colleague or casual acquaintance quite like a good pat on the face.
Kevin Keegan is a strong advocate of palm-to-cheek affection, and has been avoiding the handshakes of players and managers up and down the country since his nineties prime.
Take a look at the inspirational gallery below and remember - why shake someone’s hand when you could invade their personal space?
