Welcome to the Premier League, Poindexter!

We don’t know how they do things in Russia, but by the looks of things Tottenham’s new striker needs to work on his posing. Even the most wet-behind-the-ears Premier League stars know to adopt a pout or a gang sign when they sniff a photographer, they certainly don’t start gormlessly waving in a shirt made of strobe lighting, like Roman Pavlyuchenko - it’s just so uncool. The Spoiler suggests studying the work of Beckham, Ferdinand, Rooney, Lampard and other hip footballing hunks who know what it takes to smoulder.