A fine little player, says Europe

As predicted, Lionel Messi absolutely cruised it to the European Footballer of the Year title, scoring 473 out of a possible 480 points, making it the most sweeping victory in the history of the Ballon d’Or.

Cristiano Ronaldo oozed into second place, Xavi came third, whilst the only two English representatives - Wazza and Stevie G - came 8th and 10th. Above is some evidence backing up the big Messi win, set to rather dramatic music.

Yeah, he’s pretty good.

Plus, some back-patting for this little chap… presumably

Like a spotty teenage asthmatic wearing his dad’s suit, standing outside a nightclub in the rain, literally begging the bouncers to let him in even though he has no proof of identification, the Irish FA have apparently been pleading with Sepp Blatter to please let them be in the World Cup. Please. Like most bouncers, Blatter’s answer appears to be a rather firm “no, sod off”.

“Naturally they were unhappy with what happened and asked very humbly whether they could be team number 33.”

Tomorrow should see Lionel Messi snagging the Ballon d’Or, beating off stiff competition from the shortlist of ten, which includes: Didier Drogba, Samuel Eto’o, Steven Gerrard, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Andres Iniesta, Kaka, Cristiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney and Xavi. The last two Englishmen to win the thing were Michael Owen and Kevin Keegs.

In the zany world of transfers, Ancelotti has left everyone gagging for breath, after declaring something about how he won’t be signing anyone in January, even with the window soon to slam down on quivvering Chelsea fingers.

And club rebels Nani and Babel have been blessed/cursed with rather mixed fortunes, with Sir Alex Ferguson insistent that he won’t be letting Nani leave - despite some suggestive coughing from Milan and Benfica. Whilst Ryan Babel - currently the recipient of the Benitez silent treatment - isn’t wanted by the men in shorts at Bayern Munich.

Does a spell in lonely exile await the gobby Dutchman?

Could C-Ron’s dream move end up being a nightmare?

“After Manchester United it is downhill.” Those are the words that David Gill last month claimed to have heard roll from the tongues of many former Old Trafford employees (although presumably not Gerard Pique!).

The example of David Beckham has been used to comfort Manchester United fans as they come to terms with Cristiano Ronaldo’s imminent departure. With the Red Devils he won six titles, two FA Cups and the Champions League but since leaving for Real Madrid in 2003, he’s claimed just one significant trophy - La Liga in his final season in Spain.*

C-Ron has finally been granted his dream move but will he continue to win trophies and Ballon d’Ors or will it turn into a Beckham-esque nightmare? Let us know what you think with a vote and a comment.

*It shouldn’t be forgotten though that United also endured a barren spell after Beckham’s exit, going three years without winning the Premier League or reaching the last eight of the Champions League.