Premier League, Mon, 8pm, Sky Sports 1, Free £30 bet here

If you were one of the lucky few to witness the Community Shield, you’ll probably be hesitant to park yourself in front of the TV for this one. There’s no promise of goals, but it’s always fun watching Fergie descend into an angry rage as his team struggle to take anything away from the fortress/dilapidated shed that is Fratton Park. Everything points to a disappointing Bank Holiday weekend for the reigning champions. Here’s why…

1. Manchester United have only won one of their last five league visits to Fratton Park, losing on three occasions and drawing once.

2. Ferguson’s men have failed to score in their last two meetings with Portsmouth, losing 1-0 in the FA Cup and playing out a 0-0 draw in the Community Shield.

3. United began last season with a home draw, before securing

The best sports on the telebox tonight

The bad news: you won’t be able to go anywhere because the roads are gridlocked, the weather forecast isn’t looking great and you’ll probably have to see some relatives. The good news: you can ignore all that, because The Spoiler has provided you with everything you will need this Bank Holiday weekend. Take your pick from the televisual booty below and place your bets using the best odds available on our patented money-making gizmo oddschicken.

THURSDAY

Tennis
Indian Wells Quarter-finals (Sky Sports Xtra, 8pm)

FRIDAY

Championship
Charlton/ West Brom (Sky Sports 1, 4.45pm)

Tennis
Indian Wells Quarter-finals (Sky Sports Xtra, 11pm)

SATURDAY

Formula One
Malaysia: Qualifying (ITV1, 5.15am)