Also appearing on a computer near you…

Roy Keane, typically sympathetic towards the FAI

Sven is going to run out of fingers to put in pies
[Daily Mail]

Once it’s confirmed there’s no chance of a replay, TH14 asks for a replay
[The Sun]

Craig Bellamy could be finished in two years
[Guardian]

Eric Abidal has swine flu, as might Yaya Toure
[Mirror]

Liverpool want Juve starlet Seb Giovinco
[Caught Offside]

Striker helps show rival to the door at Eastlands…

Is Roque Santa Cruz greasing up the wheels of Robinho’s winter transfer to Barcelona? Man City’s £18m striker put the jinking Brazilian right in it during a recent radio interview with Catalunya Radio, by announcing Robinho regularly reminds his teammates he’d rather being doing his jinking alongside Lionel Messi than, er, Roque Santa Cruz:

Of course he talks to us about it. And the players are cracking jokes about it in the dressing room.

In the English papers there’s a lot of interest about Barca and Robinho is also not hiding his desire to play for them one day. But I guess we’ll see.

Let’s hope Mr Beckham is taking notes…

We’ll leave it to the girls over at Kickette to explain this one…

Have a side of NSFW with today’s lunch…

[via ONTD, unsurprisingly. Visit if you’re mental enough to want to see the uncensored version]

Spanish press claim striker may not be back until December…

Diagnosis of Fernando Torres‘ recent trip to Spain, for a second opinion on his groin injury, proved fairly inconclusive in the English press this morning. The Spanish media, however, are confident the striker will be out until after Liverpool’s crucial Champions League clash with Debrecen.

According to AS, Torres hopped on a private jet to see Dr Ramon Cugat, a respected sports injury specialist, after medical staff at Liverpool’s Melwood training ground claimed surgery - which Benitez is desperate to avoid - was the only solution. Cugat is reported to have prescribed a ‘conservative treatment’ which will mean El Nino is laid up until the Reds’ game against Blackburn on December 5th.

Spoiler Bonus: El Mundo Deportivo are reporting a gentleman’s agreement is in place for Robinho to sign for Barcelona in the January transfer window now both the Man City chairman and Mark Hughes (who allegedly ‘has always been receptive to his departure’) are resigned to losing the Brazilian forward.

Jinking Barca winger isn’t looking forward to tonight’s clash in Russia…

Google Translate provides more unintentional japery …

Because ten is one too many

1. Dimitar Berbatov is the worst signing in football since Seba Veron:
If anyone can name a truly big match Berbatov has turned or contributed to since he strutted in to Old Trafford last summer, could they kindly alert thespoiler. Surely £30million players should occasionally do that, or at least look like they are trying to.
At Spurs of course, Berbatov was a notorious flat-track bully, scoring just one goal against top-half opposition in his first season at the Lane. At United he has continued this trend, scoring this season against Wigan, Stoke and Sunderland.
Due to deference to Sir Alex, and how the spurs-obsessed media egged on the signing in the first place, the papers never analyse and corrode his transfer policy, as they do to Rafa. But this was bad, bad business indeed.
Fergie himself effectively recognised this when speaking to the weekend press about Berba’s strengths, declaring, “he knows when a short, simple pass is the best option.” Indeed - but there are probably cheaper players one can find on Hackney Marshes who can do that.

2. The Premier League is no good:
“Liverpool’s thunderous victory over Manchester United was a cracking scrap but where was the class?” So said Martin Samuel no less in today’s Daily Mail.
And in truth, that has been emblematic of the entire Premier League season. The most influential player on the game yesterday was probably Lucas. Jamie Redknapp’s post-match dissection informed us United were missing Darren Fletcher - both of whom are simply players who run around a lot and neither of whom one would pay to watch.

3. Barcelona are the best team in Europe this year:
Poor old Jermaine Pennant. Having been thrown onto the scrapheap in England, here was his chance back in the limelight at Camp Nou. He used Friday to mouth off about Rafa to ensure maximum pre-match press coverage, and Sky spent the weekend filling our screens with his blabber about how happy he was that his friends and family back in Blighty will finally get the chance to watch him play
So here old Jermaine was, at Camp Nou against the best team in the world. On the telly. And how did it go?
In truth, so awesome were Barca that Pennant might as well have been watching at home with his family too. He hardly touched the ball.

4. Mark Hughes spent badly in the summer:
£38m hasn’t bought him a decent pair of centre-halfs. Close to £50m on Tevez and Santa Cruz has yielded precisely two goals. The heat is now on City, who were always going to be reliant on results and momentum to keep a happy ship sailing along. Three draws in a row may spell trouble for Hughes.

5. Steve Bruce always buys well:
Hughes’ former United colleague on the other hand, does seem to understand the transfer market. Add Hugo Rodallega to a list that already includes Palacios, Zaki and Valencia.

6. Spurs start to the season hasn’t been as good as everyone thinks:
Ignore the freak win against Liverpool, and their other five wins have come against the five worst clubs in the division. Against top opposition, they have been found out time and again.

7. Ashley Young is getting back to his best:
Ever since Martin O’Neill hailed him a genius for that goal against Everton, Ashley Young hasn’t quite been himself. Villa fans will point to the absence of a natural left back behind Young as a cause of this trouble, with Luke Young filling in on his wrong side instead. As a result of having a right-footer on that flank, the ball down the line in behind which Young thrives on, has been that less frequent.
But with Saturday’s MOTM, and natural left-footer Stephen Warnock now ensconced as the Villa left-back, Young has been slowly getting back to business. He provided both goals in the victory against Chelsea, and his flick in the build-up to the Villa goal on Saturday was what Martin O’Neill would certainly call “genius”.

8. Steve Sidwell remains a true mystery:
Aston Villa’s points average per game with Steve Sidwell on the field is close to 2 pts better off than when he doesn’t play, yet nothing he does on the pitch suggests a reason for this. On Saturday, he cannoned the ball into Richard Dunne’s arse (admittedly a large target) rather than into an empty net, and for good measure, gave away the decisive penalty too. Surely it’s time for O’Neill to swallow his pride, and give Nigel Reo-Coker another chance.

9. Small, skilful players can no longer cut it in the Premiership:
The Championship’s two star performers this weekend, were two youngsters for whom there was no place in the physical minefield of the Premier League. Adel Taarabt and Peter Whittingham were deemed surplus to requirements at Spurs and Villa respectively, and are flourishing now in the Premier League. thespoiler is sad that there is no place in the top flight for these nimble, quirky players whom fans tend to adore.

Don’t give Gordon any ideas

Whilst taxes on cigarettes, alcohol and even fatty foods are lapped up by meddling governments, a tax on that luxury item of air has yet to be announced by the men in suits. Someone must be pulling the wool over Andrei Arshavin’s eyes in that case given his recent comments:

“In domestic terms, I confess, it is difficult. They say that a foreigner only adapts to London after living there for a year, so I still have three months left! Here you have to pay every step of the way. Sometimes I have to shell out to breathe!”

Arshavin also managed to fund just enough oxygen to pant and gasp out one more thing.

“The most beautiful football isn’t here, but at Barcelona. But after them, perhaps Arsenal - we are probably missing two top players.”

Hmmm. Probably not money well spent there Andrei…