He isn’t that fast according to Middle England’s favourite rag

The big news from the Olympics this weekend was that hotly-tipped Tyson Homosexual didn’t even make the 100m final and the appropriately-named Usain Bolt had to slow down in the last 10 metres of the big race through fear that his velocity would rip a hole in the space-time continuum, dooming us all.

The Daily Mail took a break from telling us how The Dark Knight will spark the downfall of civilisation to report on Bolt’s world record 9.69sec time, but they got a little muddled with the numbers. As our hombres at Machochip correctly assert, their headline would put his spectacular achievement outside of Carl Lewis’ 9.92sec record from Barcelona 1992.

Spoiler Bonus: Check out Bolt’s ourageously cocky world record after the jump, provided that the spoilsports at YouTube haven’t taken it down for the billionth time…

Giants playing catch…

While The Spoiler danced the summer of 1992 away in a field with a mob of gurning trustafarians, over in Barcelona some of the planet’s finest basketball players were showcasing their sport. Big names like Larry Bird, Patrick Ewing, Magic Johnson, Scottie Pippen and Sir Michael Jordan bounced and soared their way to an Olympic gold medal, and the whole of the world went basketball crazy. For about a week.

Even the posh kids with dreadlocks.