Bayern Munich star does his best Debbie McGhee

When Bayern Munich stars Bastian Schweinsteiger and (Manchester City transfer target) Philipp Lahm went on a man date to see a top magician and sat in the front row, it was inevitable that one of them would get picked on.

Lahm soon found himself part of an illusion that appears baffling easy to figure out, but we’re sure his paymasters weren’t exactly thrilled at the prospect of their highly valuable star being passed through a propeller…

[The Offside]

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Stevie G’s comical misfire from last night
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Bastian Schweinsteiger’s WAG Sarah Brandner is calling the transfer shots
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Under-fire Bayern party Bavarian style

Jurgen Klinsmann’s long-awaited arrival at Bayern Munich has had about as much impact on the club as an inspirational Juande Ramos team-talk is having on Spurs at the minute. One point from three games is an awful start to Klinsmann’s reign at the champions, but there is no point crying over spilt lager. At least not when you could dress yourself up like a prize muppet and attend Oktoberfest. The Bayern boss does a mean impression of Roald Dahl’s The BFG.

It is an annual tradition for the Bayern squad to kit out in traditional Bavarian gear and attend Oktoberfest, Munich’s 16-day old school bender. I suppose the Liverpool Christmas party is about as close as the Premier League gets to this. More photos and after the jump.

Schweini’s thoughtful post-match reflection ruined by jubilant flag sarong wearing opponents

Poor old Bastian Schweinsteiger. Here he is trying to fight back tears of disappointment as he explains his nation’s failure to capture the Henri Delaunay trophy, when a group of chirpy Spaniards come and conga all over his broken dreams.

Still, at least he has Sarah Brandner to go home to.

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Bastian Schweinsteiger’s WAG Sarah Brandner gets into the spirit of things at the Portugal game
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If Wenger doesn’t need new defenders, then what does he need?

While Tottenham have got to work early and spent big on Luka Modric and Giovani dos Santos, Arsenal are still on the starting blocks, with the first sign of any transfer activity at the Emirates being quickly shot down by Arsene Wenger:

“I have been interested in Vincent Kompany ever since he was 16, but I am not interested in him this year. There is nobody I need for my team’s defensive department.”

Which of course prompts the question: what’s the point of tracking someone for six years if you have no intention to signing them? By acting much like a flirtatious girl who makes you believe she’s the one but who will quickly break your heart, perhaps Arsene is telling us he simply enjoys the thrill of the chase.

Anyway, Arsenal’s reticence to invest has spurred The Spoiler to consider where each London club needs to improve next season.

So we did a think and then gone wrote it down:

Chelsea

Top priority:
Flair players - Big Phil hasn’t just been brought to Chelsea to win trophies, he’s expected to bring some Brazilian flair to the job and make the Blues exciting to watch as well as being scarily efficient.

Fitting the bill: Ronaldinho, Kaka, Franck Ribery

Arsenal

Top priority:
Depth in midfield - Diarra then Flamini have gone, Hleb’s inconsistent, Rosicky’s injured, Gilberto’s past his best and Fabregas got tired last year so it’s clear that Arsenal need to bolster their midfield, and potentially bring in a new keeper.

Fitting the bill: Gareth Barry, Samir Nasri, Hatem Ben Arfa, Bastian Schweinsteiger

West Ham

Top priority:
New medical team/left-winger - Take away the dozen injuries West Ham had for most of last season and they’ve got perhaps the biggest squad in the league.

The left wing is a problem though: the fans turned on Boa Morte and he wants out while Etherington is always injured.

Fitting the bill: Stephen Hunt, Damien Duff, Pablo Aimar

Tottenham

Top priority:
New goalkeeper and striker

Simone Lambe and Petra Frings told to stay at home

Last week, we revealed that Croatia is a Pro-WAG nation - players have been banned from seeing friends at their Euro 2008 camp, but have been permitted as many conjugal visits as they please. As a result, they’ve pulled off a perfect record, including a shock victory over the Germans.

Despite this shining example of WAGs working in perfect harmony with a national side, Michael Ballack has declared war on his nations supporting ladies, insisting they are the reason behind Germany’s shaky start:

Skipper Michael Ballack is furious that his team-mates have been seeing too much of their wives and girlfriends.

Ballack and his senior sidekick Torsten Frings were still fuming that the rest of the squad spent the day after their defeat against Croatia last week - which left their quarter-final place

German TV personality whose surname is almost rude

At this point in the history of WAG of the Day, the Germans are an overlooked people: to my knowledge, only Sarah Brandner - girlfriend of the recently disgraced Bastian Schweinsteiger - represents them. Well, die Deutschen may be proud to see their WAG count doubled today, as model, popstar and TV presenter Annemarie Warnkross joins the list. If she hadn’t recently left him for a German soapstar, she’d be with Germany and Real Madrid defender Christoph Metzelder, probably trying to comfort him through his nation’s mixed Euro 2008 fortunes.