The writer must have been saving this gem for ages

[Spotted at The Offside]

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English sides go through, making final group stage game pointless

Arsenal 1/ Dynamo Kiev 0
Cesc Fabgregas became the fourth consecutive permanent Arsenal captain to taste victory in their first European match, thanks to a late strike from ol’ pink boots Nicklas Bendtner.

Villarreal 0/ Manchester Utd 0
Over in Spain, Cristiano Ronaldo was hacked to bits during a bore draw that eased both sides into the final sixteen.

Spoiler bonus: See the Champions League’s all-time top goalscorer help put Real Madrid through after the jump…

UEFA have been playing with the crazy pots again

The good officials of the Champions League gathered around the trough in Monaco this afternoon, pausing briefly to pompously remove some plastic footballs from mixing bowls in one of their favourite little rituals.

As per, various pundits and sundry authorities were on hand to discuss the mouth-watering nature of the dance card, while those associated with the managerial side of things vowed not to underestimate anybody, as decreed by UEFA’s guidelines on how to talk to the press at times such as this.

Of the English teams, Liverpool probably feel the men in blazers could have looked harder to find them a couple of soft sides, but at least