Florentino Perez to give each player a booklet of rules

Since Cristiano Ronaldo’s arrival at Real Madrid, the Spanish capital’s nightclubs and escort agencies have been bracing themselves for a sharp increase in trade. Madrid’s evening entertainment industry, however, has been dealt a devastating blow by news on the front page of this morning’s Marca: Florentino Perez will issue each player of a booklet detailing the rules of behaviour, and “night excursions” are now prohibited.

Even though the booklet has yet to reach the hands of any of Real Madrid’s stars, Marca have somehow obtained a copy, the highlights of which we have translated below…

1. Proximity
Players will need to appear approachable to the fans.

2. Education
Players must show respect towards all coaches, managers and fans.