Manchester City striker helps South America recover some pride

With little help from tubby star Ronaldinho, Brazil have managed to overcome the unstoppable force of Belgium to earn a bronze medal in Beijing. Manchester City will feel slightly better about paying Jo’s wages, as he managed to slot away two goals in the 3-0 victory.

[Video courtesy of Machochip]

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Unfathomably hot Olympian Leryn Franco has nabbed herself a tennis pro boyfriend, according to Machochip

Swiss F1 driver Lewis Hamilton is crap at rowing, apparently
[Grid Crasher]

Remember Spain’s Euro 2008 party plane? Following their Olympic victory over Brazil, Argentina rode a much less exciting party bus
[The Beautiful Game]

The IOC spoilsports want Usian Bolt to stop his ridiculous dancing
[WithLeather]

Have we been spoilt by the Premier League?
[Football 365]

Cheryl Cole and her interesting array of outfits
[On205th]

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Leryn Franco finished second to last in her javelin event, but she easily claimed gold in the Hottest Olympian of 2008 contest
[More pictures here, more about her rubbishness at WithLeather]

Six reasons Manchester City will beat West Ham this weekend
[chickendinner]

Video: How to destroy a car wash
[Grid Crasher]

What happened to Micah Richards?
[Pies]

Abbey Clancy in her pants
[Kickette]

Claudio Pizarro is already making waves in Germany
[Bild]

Tubby star criticised by Brazilian media for Olympic performance

We may place the importance of Olympic football somewhere between fencing and ultimate frisbee over here in Blighty, but that’s not quite the case in South America. Tuesday’s semi-final between Brazil and Argentina was treated like a World Cup game by the inhabitants of the football-mad continent, and accordingly, commercial pressures from sponsors such as Nike dictated that the team in yellow brought some superstars to Beijing.

Despite doing everything right on the pitch and saying his nightly prayers, Kaka was denied the Olympic dream by AC Milan, while the Italians let Ronaldinho trot off to the far east. This may have been a condition of his sale to the Serie A club, or perhaps the CBF felt his flamboyant style was more suited to garnering publicity for the national team.

Of course, Brazil were denied the gold medal that has so far eluded them by a convincing Argentinean side, and they face the prospect of a bronze medal match with the mighty Belgium tomorrow. In an article titled ‘The Fall of Ronaldinho’, Spanish

Alright boys, break it up

If the move in yesterday’s Olympic wrestling Sporno has been dubbed the ‘bowling ball’, then the technique above should probably be known as the ‘uphill wheelbarrow’.

Thanks to Sporno fan Kurt for the spot.

Click here to see the full Sporno gallery

Cyclist celebrates achievements by endangering life

Bradley Wiggins was in high spirits after securing two gold medals at the Beijing velodrome (the french term for ‘bike shed’) and decided to have a little tipple at London House (a hastily-named venue set up by the Chinese to celebrate the 2012 Games). One thing lead to another, and his night ended with some victory rolls over the bonnet of a taxi:

[Wiggins] won two golds - in team and individual pursuits - and was perhaps also trying to cheer himself up after losing out on a third yesterday.Wiggins’ stunt, rolling over the taxi’s bonnet

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According to Football365, Brazilian man-o’-sex Robinho won’t be gracing the Premier League this season

Anna Kournikova is back doing what she does best: modelling
[Maxim]

Mika Hakkinen is now going out with a stripper
[Grid Crasher]

Betting on the Olympics or the Premier League? Fancy a £30 punt for free?
[Ladbrokes]

Bild are very wisely devoting time to former Miss Paraguay contestant and Olympic javelin star Leryn Franco
[Bild]

Some wise words on the crappiness of the transfer window
[The Offside]

Six qualities Fabio Capello looks for in an England captain
[Pies]

Chinese lady invents unique finishing move

Wang Jiao eventually claimed a gold medal in women’s 72kg division, and she was sure to give American opponent Ali Bernard a surprisebefore seeing her off in the quarter-finals. Originally spotted at WithLeather.

Click here to see the full Sporno gallery

So much insensitivity, so little time…

Spain’s Olympic basketball and tennis teams are no strangers to pulling offensive gestures for the camera, and Argentina’s ladies football team have now contributed to the International Athletes’ Photobook of ‘Slit-Eye’ Face-Pulling.

The picture above was published in Argentinean newspaper Ole two weeks ago, and was taken long before the Spanish decided to hamper their 2016 Olympic bid.

The world needn’t worry about any repeat incident from the Argentine ladies, however, as they lost every single

Obesity-peddling restaurant is the athlete’s choice, apparently

Monday 18th August, 2008: Humongous gentleman Michael Phelps helps himself to a McDonalds on the Olympic Green in front of a huge press entourage. This comes shortly after we are told that that the swimmer eats the calorie equivalent of 22 Big Macs a day.

Sunday 17th August, 2008: After pissing all over the 100 metres final, Jamaican Usain Bolt reveals his secret weapon: ‘no Breakfast and McDonalds Chicken McNuggets’.

Saturday 16th August, 2008: Team GB swimmer Rebecca Adlington scoops her second gold in six days, and declares that she will ‘celebrate with a McDonalds‘.

Are we meant to believe that so many Olympians, who dedicate every waking hour to ensuring they are in peak physical condition, would intrinsically want to eat fast food during and after the most important sporting event of their lives? Or has a certain official Olympic partner made sure that gold medal winners have been name dropping their brand?

This kind of sneaky marketing is happening on our shores too. Did

Anderson and Tevez test their mental agility

The semi-finals of the men’s Olympic football tournament will be played tomorrow, where Argentina and Brazil will battle it out for a guaranteed medal. As an incredibly exciting precursor, ‘Manchester Unite’ stars Anderson and Carlos Tevez have been pitting their wits against one another at Connect Four, snap and Jenga.

So, do these rudimentary games give Fergie’s men the edge on the pitch? Find out The Spoiler’s verdict after the jump…

He isn’t that fast according to Middle England’s favourite rag

The big news from the Olympics this weekend was that hotly-tipped Tyson Homosexual didn’t even make the 100m final and the appropriately-named Usain Bolt had to slow down in the last 10 metres of the big race through fear that his velocity would rip a hole in the space-time continuum, dooming us all.

The Daily Mail took a break from telling us how The Dark Knight will spark the downfall of civilisation to report on Bolt’s world record 9.69sec time, but they got a little muddled with the numbers. As our hombres at Machochip correctly assert, their headline would put his spectacular achievement outside of Carl Lewis’ 9.92sec record from Barcelona 1992.

Spoiler Bonus: Check out Bolt’s ourageously cocky world record after the jump, provided that the spoilsports at YouTube haven’t taken it down for the billionth time…