Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies…

Reportedly, Hamburg’s Martin Jol politely enquired as to whether Liverpool would part with Dutch striker-turned-winger Dirk Kuyt, but was left petrified, alarmed and severely shaken after Rafa Benitez mentioned the £16m price tag. With no new wingers arriving, he will be needed again at Anfield, so a transfer looks unlikely.

Benni McCarthy to Blackburn
McCarthy doesn’t match any of Roy Keane’s three transfer target requirements (played for Manchester Utd, played in the Championship, comes from Ireland) yet a £7 million offer for the South Africa is being readied.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Keane wants another striker and Santa Cruz has stolen Benni’s thunder, but Ince may want to keep hold for now

Gael Givet to West Ham
East London can breathe

The Spoiler presents the best of the angry, drunk and depressed

The main issue that footballers have is that once away from the pitch, what is there to do? God forbid they have to pick up a book and read! The lucky ones play golf and hang out with Gary Neville, while the rest of them stare blank-eyed into the depths of their tortured souls.

How about this team for a freaky dressing room!

GK Mark Bosnich
There was a time when the Australian looked set to become the greatest goalkeeper the world had ever seen, but then he set eyes of silly Sophie Anderton, and went about shoveling cocaine up his nose instead of training. He then became a little bit weird.

DL Ben Thatcher
A horrible man, Thatcher will be remembered mainly for his revolting use of his elbows - most notably on Pedro Mendes of Portsmouth, who took such a wallop that he had a seizure. Serious violence issues, he makes the line-up in front of Ashley Cole, who isn’t so much troubled as just a total bastard.

DC Tony Adams
Forget the straight-faced gentlemanly MOTD2 demeanor, there was a time when Adams would hurl back the beers and set off fire extinguishers in Pizza Hut - all because he was drunk, the idiot. Then there was the time he smashed a Ford Sierra into a wall, shortly before going to prison. Oops (hic!).

DC Paul McGrath
McGrath had the look of a man who would silently strangle people in alleyways, but as defenders go, he was brilliant. Problem was, he was so addicted to drink that he once thought it wise to wolf down some lighter fluid (apparently). Euch.