Lille 1-0 Liverpool

Many of you will have been drinking last night, what with it being Thursday. It’s kind of like the new Friday in that sense. You probably had five or six, tried to snog someone, then made your excuses about having to go to work tomorrow (today), before stumbling home to eat a burger in the style of a homeless man hurriedly wolfing down food from a bin. Hence, missing the Liverpool game.

Well, lucky you, above are the highlights.

(Courtesy of 101 Great Goals)

 Everyone, this is Owen… Owen… Everyone

Of course, the big news today is that Jordan has married another man - this time, the one with the botched up ears that look like big discarded tea bags. You know, the fighty bloke who suffered daily humiliation at the hands of Vinnie Jones on the TV show with the house? Him.

Yet, whilst the rest of the nation coos and gasps at revelations about post-wedding strip club tomfoolery, hardened football hacks haven’t even shifted a single eyeball from important football news. Here’s what we know today, thanks to the likes of The Daily Mail, The Telegraph, The Times etc…

Hey Ruud, why the long face?

It’s a tale of two Dutchmen over at Anfield, as Liverpool attempt to untangle their season by offloading a few bad apples, whilst simultaneously bringing in a proven set of scoring slippers.

The word from today’s Daily Mail is that Benitez is keen to bring in Ruud van Nistelrooy on loan from Real Madrid, in a bid to have a Plan B should Fernando Torres insist on repeatedly visiting the local ‘ozzie to have his meaty Spanish legs examined. It’s a move known in the trade as “The Reverse Michael Owen”.

Apparently Real are looking to get rid of the striker for good, but with the Anfield purse strings pulled tighter than an Eastenders ponytail, a six month promise looks the most likely middle ground.

Unless, of course, someone should step in for Ryan Babel - an unlikely scenario, given that the once-so-promising Dutch winger has attracted zero interest since he signed his own Liverpool death warrant a few short weeks ago, when he began hyperventilating to a startled newspaper journalist about how Benitez barely even looks at him any more.

Accoding to the Dutchman’s agent:

“I don’t know if he will be sold, I have had no contact about that.”

“The only thing I know - no loan.”

Hmm, it looks like Babel’s Happy New Year is actually going to be really quite rubbish.

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Christmas would be Christmas without a bit of Cliff Richard - here, surprisingly brilliant!

Wenger names his Player of the Decade

[The Telegraph]

Premier League manager has rather kinky hobby

[The Sun]

A rising star catches Capello’s beautiful eyes

[The Daily Mail]

Liverpool under the microscope

[Caught Offside]

Get the Paolo Maldini look!

[Kickette]

More great football photos

[Pies]

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Plus, a little groove to get you in the mood for the weekend 

Ten great Liverpool/Arsenal moments

[The Telegraph]

Brilliant last-gasp goals

[Daily Mail]

A Robbie Savage fairy tale

[Dirty Tackle]

The Aquilani Arsenal conundrum examined

[Pies]

Get the Zoran Tosic look!

[Kickette]

Benitez spending under the microscope

[Caught Offside]

African Footballer of the Year shortlist

[The Offside]

Why so coy Mr Benitez?

There were occasions last season, when it was  impossible to open a newspaper or turn on a televison, and not be confronted with Rafa Benitez chatting about something or other. He was the footballing equivalent of Paul Ross on one of those ‘100 greatest’ Ch4 shows - ubiquitous, ill-informed, irritating.

Yet given the opportunity to rant about a genuine misjustice, a winning goal against his side that should never have been allowed, Rafa instead has remained calm. Speaking about the beachball goal in his press conference yesterday, Rafa said:

“I don’t know if the referee didn’t know, maybe he couldn’t see. Anyway, I think that is better to move on. I think the referees and Keith Hackett know that a mistake has been made but I do not want to criticise. He is a young referee and there are not too many referees around the world so if you have someone who has a passion and wants to be a good referee then the best thing to do is to just move on.”

Ok, very admirable and dignified. Best not to criticise referees as they are only tryng their hardest. Does this apply to Phil Dowd too Rafa?

“I think everyone could see there was a penalty, especially to Voronin, it was so clear. The third one, you could excuse. You can say that the hand was to the ball or the ball was to the hand, it could be, but the other one was so clear, it was unbelievable.

Can you get two penalties at an away ground? No. With this referee, I knew that this was impossible.”

Ah. Could the new Rafa have anything to do with being warned as to his future conduct by the FA last Tuesday? thespoiler thinks it might….

Is the Special One honing his act to replace Fergie?

Inter Milan will almost certainly win Serie A this season. Their two biggest rivals, Milan and Juve, are both managed by men who before August, had taken charge of a hefty zero matches in their managerial careers. The challenge should come from Sampdoria, Fiorentina and Genoa, none of whom are likely to have the staying power or experience for a long Serie A season.

Yet since Calciopoli, Inter always win the title. Its like being named the tallest dwarf. So Jose must do better to keep his job, and that means the Champions League, which Inter have started badly by drawing their first two matches. If Mourinho is fired at the end of the season, he will be casting his manly eyes to Old Trafford, where Sir Alex may soon be vacating the throne.

And what better way to ingratiate himself with the United faithful than having a pop at the bête noire of choice, Rafa Benitez, and the 2005 version, Arsene Wenger. Mourinho commented yesterday when asked if he feels pressure at San Siro:

“[Arsene] Wenger has been Arsenal’s coach for 15 years but he hasn’t won even a Carling Cup for six years. [Rafa] Benitez hasn’t won a league title in six years but they continue to keep him as Liverpool’s coach.

This is not the Italian mentality. To stay here I must continue winning and do well.”

Good work Jose - we miss you.

A city comes together united under one banner… well, two

Oh, everything’s been going wonderfully well at Anfield - The Reds finally beat Manchester United, and got their Champions League and Carling Cup campaigns off to a winning start. Just don’t mention Stoke, nobody needs to mention Stoke. What was that? The Stoke game? Ahh, you just had to say it didn’t you! What is WRONG with you people? Anyway, who gives one, we’ll all have forgotten about the lurching awkwardness of the Stoke game once Everton win the Merseyside derby and claim their throne as the Capital of Culture’s number one team. Here’s why Everton will definitely win:

1. Over the last five years the two teams have taken it in turns to win this fixture. Liverpool won 2-1 last year meaning that now it’s Everton’s turn.

2. Everton have only lost four Premier League home games in each of the last two seasons so having lost two already, their home form surely won’t last much longer.

3. Liverpool have triumphed in just sixteen of their last forty Premier League away games.