UCL semi-final first leg, Tonight, 7.45pm, ITV1, bet here
Thank you, most merciful television schedulers, for giving tonight’s Liverpool/Chelsea Champions League to ITV. In the hands of Sky we’d have been facing a night of incantations from the Book of Revelation, bursts of the March of the Valkyries and Carmina Burana, all interspersed with images of planets colliding from the Hubble telescope, such is their preferred method of communicating the apocalyptic drama of the event. As dramatic episodes go, however, this game would be taken to the cleaners by Cranford; even the paint drying channel takes on a certain appeal. In six Champions League games together, these two teams have produced an average of half a goal a game. We have also started to get glimpses of the Grantian football philosophy, a school of thought so brutish and defensive it makes the Berlin Wall look subtle and discreet by comparison. This is going to be one for the purists, for everyone else, there’s always Holby City.
The statistics
* There have been just three goals in their six Champions League meetings.
In today’s Sun, court jester Ian Wright highlights what he believes will be the ‘three key battles’ at Anfield tonight. Firstly, he correctly identifies the likely tussle between Torres and Terry. Then, he considers the midfield war that will take place between Gerrard and Lampard (provided the latter has his head in the right place).
These are both fair assertions, but his third and final claim is that Reina and Cech will be going head-to-head in a key on-pitch battle. Um, what are the two players who stand at either end of the pitch going to be battling over? Who has the firmest pre-match handshake? With this kind of insight, it’s hardly surprising that he feels out of touch with Match of the Day types…
Will either side resist the temptation to grind out a bore draw?
For the 4,076 in Champions League history, Liverpool and Chelsea will be facing one another tonight, and no one is more excited than the tabloid media. For the past few days the back pages have been filled with taunt exchanges from The Toad, Benitez and Didier Drogba, but they all seem like over-enthused attempts to breathe life into what is destined to be a dull game. There have been just three goals in the last six European games between the sides, so we’ll be mighty lucky to see the net ripple at Anfield tonight.
But if one of the sides does allow their defence to be breached tonight, who will it be? Votes and comments below, please.
After weeks and months of tinkering around, finally Benitez had stumbled across a team that could perform consistently - Gerrard just behind Torres, Kuyt and Babel on the flanks. So why feel it necessary to change it? He had home advantage against Arsenal, and putting Crouch in the starting team made no sense whatsoever. Unless, of course, Benitez was frightened.
Champions League quarter-final second leg, ITV1, 7.45pm, bet here
This week’s top prize for loony marketing initiatives goes to the organisers of the Olympic Games, for parading the Olympic torch behind a phalanx of a dozen shell-suited Chinese goons, countless local police (some on roller skates) and who knows how many plain clothes spotters with a keen eye for a trouble maker. Play with fire, and you get burnt. Play with symbols, however, and you get your head kicked in, and not very symbolically. What a confusing advert for an international athletics jamboree. While these weirdos march up and down with their “sacred flame”, however, Arsenal and Liverpool have a very real issue to settle. The Champions League feels like the kind of organisation that would quite like a sacred flame of its own, but fortunately matches such as tonight’s provide enough old-fashioned winner-goes-through, loser-goes-home drama that no amount of roller-skating cops could add to the sense of occasion. Some people will be happy, others will be sad, and the tears will be genuine. Watch and learn, Olympics - keep it simple, and ditch the stupid symbols.
The statistics
* Arsenal have not won away at any of the Big Four this season, while Liverpool haven’t beaten a Big Four side at all.
“Can we play at the San Siro every week?” ask English sides
In case you missed it, here’s the action that caused Roberto Mancini to stand down as Internazionale coach last night. The home side missed a slew of chances, but never looked likely to get the three goals required to go through.
Champions League First Round Second Leg, Sky Sports 2, 7.45pm, bet here
So, well done English teams, four of you in the last eight of the Champions League. Brilliant. But wait! One of them isn’t quite there yet. Liverpool still have to hold on against Inter Milan tonight, and while they haven’t lost a game by two goals or more all season, Inter are still champions of Italy, and the coin-throwing white supremacist section of Inter’s fans aren’t likely to extend the hand of friendship either. A former Scouse colleague of the Wager claimed that Liverpool people are particularly well suited to handling tough places as “we are used to strangers coming up and shouting in our faces every day anyway.” However, no one can be ignorant of Liverpool’s ownership fiasco, Rafa Benitez’s tenuous grip on reality and the general danger of premature chicken counting. The Wager reckons that Liverpool’s wheels have been threatening to come off all season, and that tonight’s the night it all goes wrong.
The statistics
* Liverpool have scored a remarkable eight goals in the final ten minutes of their last five Champions League games.
Tonight will be the ninth occasion on which Internazionale have gone into a European second leg having lost the first one 2-0. They have made it through in just three of those instances, the last one being ten years ago (when they beat Strasbourg 3-0 in the 1997/98 UEFA Cup). Odds on another 3-0 Inter victory are currently 16/1, but can the Reds secure an away goal and enjoy another successful English trip to the San Siro? Tune in tonight, but not before you’ve had a look at the best odds available on the oddschicken.
Champions League First Round Second Leg
Inter Milan/ Liverpool (Sky Sports 2, 7.45pm)
Rafa is on course to maintain his exceptional record in Europe
It was great to see The Reds see off Inter in the dying minutes last night, but will they be able to stave off Internazionale when the action transfers to the San Siro in three weeks time. It’s a votin’ time:
