Brazilian superstar finds room in his crowded nightlife schedule for a trip to a local hospital

Brazilian party boy Ronaldinho, who has spent the last six months of his career at Barcelona working on his reputation as damaged goods, could have a lot more leisure time on his hands if a secretive midnight medical check up turns out to be accurate.

Spanish news website ADN reports that last week Ronaldinho turned up at the Delfos Clinic in Barcelona at 1.30 in the morning with his own private doctor, and unknown to Barcelona medical staff or Frank Rijkaard, underwent a series of x-rays and medical tests that showed his physical state to be far worse than previously imagined - “dire”, in fact.

Rumours are aswirl that the tests were performed at the urging of one of the clubs interested in buying him, and just last week Silvio Berlusconi, who had previously been pursuing the Brazilian with all the ardour of Russell Brand with perfume in his nostrils

Memo to Jose Mourinho’s bank manager: make sure you’ve got enough room in the vault, because the cash pipe is about to be reconnected

After a winter spent lounging at home in Portugal, doing a little punditry for the Africa Cup of Nations, but otherwise probably just looking at himself in the mirror, Jose Mourinho this week finds himself with a lot of new friends. Hi guys!

Admirer number 1: Silvio Berlusconi. He’s had his eyes on Jose for a while, and the Italian press haven’t tried very hard to pretend that Carlo Ancelotti is going to be in charge next season, but Mr Berlusconi’s needs are suddenly a lot more pressing. Arsenal ended their Champions League hopes on Tuesday, their league form is so ordinary they might be spending European nights at Spurs next season, and the elderly squad needs replanting.

Admirer number 2: Ramon Calderon. Just a couple of weeks ago everything seemed fine at Real Madrid - a nice big gap at the top of La Liga and confidence that they could overturn Roma in Europe. But they couldn’t, and they’ve now burnt through £168 million in four years without even making the quarter finals of the Champions League once. No one likes coach Bernd Schuster because he’s so rude, and the squad suddenly looks tissue thin. Help!

Admirer number 3: Joan Laporta. Barcelona are still