Premier League stars aren’t usually known for their generosity, but Birmingham’s Olivier Kapo has just become an exception to that rule. Humbled by the thought of visiting Blackpool et al next season, the midfielder decided to give his £30k Mercedes to 17-year-old James McPike, the lad who has been cleaning his boots throughout 2007/08.
Trainees in his position can usually expect some muttered contempt, or at best an autograph by way of thanks at the end of the year, but McPike will now be enjoying a motor far too powerful for his youthful driving capabilities.
When the stunned lad (pictured above, delighted by the news)
Which club’s champagne reserves will be utilised this weekend?
Over the past year, we’ve seen sacked managers, prison sentences and more Cristiano Ronlado sex partners than anyone thought conceivable, and it all reaches a conclusion on Sunday. It’s the first time since 1968 that the top two teams have been on the same points, and one of Chelsea or Manchester Utd will be lifting the silverware (although the Blues will have to make do with a shabby replica) at around 5pm. So who ya got? Vote now…
And while you’re at it, which two teams do you think will go down? The Spoiler believes Fulham will pull off a miraculous escape, but do you agree? Votes and comments below, please.
To bet on the title race click here and to bet on the relegation battle click here.
Fulham to perform a Houdini-like escape this Sunday
As with the internet, the car and oxygen itself, it is now hard to imagine what life was like before the Apprentice. Not only does it make everything else on television look like the work of half-witted amateurs, but it has come to explain everything about modern life. The state of the economy? Small wonder it’s in such chaos if the business world is run on such pure incompetence. The war in Iraq? How can we hope to understand its complexities if the country’s most educated people can’t even begin to guess which religion eats kosher food? Boris Johnson becoming mayor of London? These people are brought to a state of frozen panic when asked to correctly place an apostrophe on a greetings card - what does that say about their decision making abilities? And so to the final day of the Premier League season, which Sir Alan neatly anticipated by firing two people. This weekend, two teams will be ejected from the top table. Like the Apprentice, there will be a lot of angry finger pointing, but moan as much as they like, two red-faced losers will be strapping themselves bitterly into the taxi of relegation, still none the wiser as to where it all went wrong.
The Spoiler believes Fulham will survive at the weekend. Disagree? Then bet against it!
The statistics
* Reading face Derby on Sunday, who are without a win in 31 league games, and regardless
The race to be anonymous in the Championship next year is heating up
Now that the Championship has morphed into toddler football matches where twenty-two hyperactive maniacs thunder around a field chasing the ball, teams would be wise to stick to the Premier League. Already Derby will be practicing their head-down running techniques, and Fulham should probably start swotting up on moping around in the centre circle crying for mummy. The rest, however, might still be allowed to play football next season.
The statistics
* In the last seven seasons, ten teams have conceded sixty-five or more goals in a season and each one has been relegated. This season Derby have let in seventy-six, Reading have now let in sixty-five.
* Nobody higher than 17th in the league at this stage of the season have gone on to be relegated in the last ten years, which
Who should be roughing it in the Championship next season?
With just three games to go in the league, it looks as if Mr Al Fayed has booked himself a first class one-way trip to the Championship with Derby next season. Just one relegation spot remains in contention, and Bolton, Reading and Birmingham find themselves teetering dangerously close to the edge.
According to Right Result (the site that shows you how the table would look if refs got all the key decisions right), the relegation places would already belong to Bolton (whose own fans can’t even be bothered to turn up to home games) and Reading (whose recent form is only slightly better than that of Derby). But who deserves it this season? Is it one of the three current drop fodder, or a team who currently find themselves in safety? Rudderless Newcastle and inconsistent Middlesbrough spring to mind…
Radio Five Live was this morning encouraging listeners to text in their favourite sporting axioms, such as motor racing’s “When the flag drops, the nonsense stops”, cricket’s “Catches win matches” or sprinters’ “Go on the “b” of the bang.” To this small pile of wisdom, the Wager would like to add something learnt from Newcastle’s dire predicament: “Never hire a manager whose CV includes the word ‘circus’.”
Newcastle’s travelling fiasco tonight checks in at Birmingham, where defeat would leave them just one game away from their worst nightmare:
Toon shot stopper gives invaluable (read: useless) perspective on the club’s predicament
Maybe it’s just nerves before tonight’s game (after all, Newcastle have conceded sixteen and scored once in their last four away games), but Steve Harper is trying his best to make everyone at the club feel the strain. He told The Guardian:
“We have five tough away games and this one against Birmingham is the biggest game in the club’s recent history, the biggest game for a long, long time. There is always pressure at this place, everybody knows it’s a pressure cooker, more than any other club.”
I know Newcastle is a huge club with 50,000+ loyal supporters, but what makes the pressure higher at St James’ Park?
If Newcastle fail to see off fellow strugglers Birmingham tonight, they will have gone a very unlucky thirteen games without a win - just one match short of the streak that cost Ruud Gullit his job in 1999. Unfortunately for The Toon, the bookies favour a midlands win that will see King Kev slip a little further into his shame spiral. Disagree? Have your say using the best odds available here.
Premier League
Birmingham City/ Newcastle Utd (Setanta Sports 1, 8pm) - bet here
ATP Masters
Indian Wells Day 3 (Sky Sports 2, 6pm) - bet here
The BBC’s most bitter pundit reckons Birmingham are going to have their way with Arsenal. Agree?
The BBC’s very own Nostradamus of football, mystic Mark Lawrenson, has had his palms crossed with silver again, and after placing his enormous jewelled turban squarely on his head, has issued his weekly vision of the Premier League results. To his credit, he has broken with the pundits’ code of utter conformity, and has dared suggest Birmingham will turn Arsenal over. Most audacious, your All-Seeingness!
If you’d like to have a go at outwitting the sour one, here are his “visions.” Leave your thoughts in the comments box.
While Kevin Keegan failed to uphold his excellent record with new teams (he has never lost a match with a newly-managed side, and has always scored), plenty of the weekend’s Premier League action went according to our statistics.
Firstly, we told you Birmingham’s January blues would continue:
» chickendinner superfact: Birmingham are yet to win a game in January, and they picked up
