A rather terrifying calm has hit deadline day, in scenes not dissimilar to when city traders wait for the overhead clock arms to hit a certain hour, before erupting in a din of hysterical screaming and shouting, as bits of paper fly around the room like confetti at John Terry’s beautiful Blenheim Palace wedding to his lovely wife, Toni. Only, hopefully, with a slightly less depressing outcome.
Current whispers suggest that Spurs have offered £2million for Watford’s keeper, Scott Loach, on the understanding that he’d be coming in as a back-up keeper. West Ham are on the verge of signing the Brazilian striker Ilan from Saint-Etienne, whilst also keeping an eye on both Robbie Keane, and ex-Chelsea man Mateja Kezman.
As you may have recently come to realise, January is a particularly rubbish month which reaches its tedious nadir somewhere in the middle. Thankfully, the football gods are providing ample distraction from the drudgery of modern life. Last night they smiled upon grateful fans with LOADSAGOALS - no less than 18 across three of the evening’s biggest games.
The BBC managed to match the excitement of ITV’s Carling Cup gesture-a-thon on Tuesday night by offering up a 10-goal thriller (and then went and ruined it all by broadcasting Norbit straight after), while Arsenal fought back from 2-0 down against perennial bogey team Bolton.
Meanwhile in Liverpool, it was tasty Spanish wine all round at Casa Benitez, as once again, in the face of expectation Spurs - albeit with a little help from the irrepressibly shit Howard Webb - filled their pants faster than a Australian Open ball boy.
Exhibits A, B and C (plus talking points) after the jump …
For those of you too wrapped up in the wonderful new US sitcom/musical Glee to care about a football match, or those who can’t afford snazzy televisions with hundreds of channels, above are the highlights from last night’s game.
After teaching Arsene Wenger that it’s probably unwise to send kids out to play a man’s game, City went on to score big on the Carling Cup semi-final draw - they’ve got their friendly red neighbours at home.
The Arsenal younglings battled pretty well for the most part, but eventually cracked under the pressure of a Tevez curler, followed by a Wright-Phillips screamer. In that exact order. Then, as if to throw egg all over Wenger’s face, things were wrapped up by one of Mark Hughes’ precious little ‘uns, Vladimir Weiss.
In other Carling Cup news, Blackburn managed to oust the Chelsea boys on penalties after a 3-3 thriller. Ballack and young Gael Kakuta missed from the spot for Chelsea. Hence Blackburn will now play host to Aston Villa.
For so long Wenger and Ferguson have been the masterminds behind developing footballers in their infancy, but tonight could see Chelsea moving somewhere closer to inhabiting that bracket.
Apparently they’ve got a few decent kids up their sleeves too, and the whisper from all the most demure Chelsea nail salons is that Gael Kakuta should be a starter for this evening’s game against Blackburn. Or, at least, in the words of Ray Wilkins:
“Gael will be in the squad and we’ll see where we go.”
Meanwhile, over at Eastlands, Adebayor would do well to tone down any celebrations if he manages to throw one past his old team tonight.
According to the Daily Mail, his slight dip in form since he returned from shoeing Van Persie is the result of a somewhat poetic ankle injury. Mark Hughes will be looking for a little more from his striker.
“He was flying at the start of the season and he gave us a trigger. We have to get back to that.”
The highlights from the last Eastlands meeting follow the jump. Short-fused Arsenal fans should probably look away.
Expect Gary Lineker’s opening lines on next season’s Match of the Day to be even more smug and annoying than usual. New Premier League rules, to be enforced next year, mean all managers will have to give post-match interviews to broadcasting rights holders - meaning Sir Alex Ferguson will have to explain his latest outburst to the cameras himself, rather than sending right-hand man Mike Phelan.
Ferguson promised never to do another interview with the BBC after it broadcast a documentary alleging his football agent son Jason used the family name to gain influence in transfer dealings, in 2004.
Spurs boss Harry Redknapp and Blackburn’s Sam Allardyce have also had previous run-ins with the Beeb over corruption allegations, but all will have to give TV or radio interviews or face ‘a sliding scale of punishments’.
Blackburn star makes up bizarre excuse for bad behaviour
Blackburn’s El Hadji Diouf gave the world yet another example of his sparkling personality at the weekend, when he was overheard by home fans at Goodison Park shouting “F**k off white boy” at an errant ball-boy.
Keen to stress that he would never impart offensive comments at a stranger, the Senegalese star has vehemently denied the incident:
“I didn’t even speak to him. I just told the assistant ref that the ball-boy should respect the players.
“For a kid to say things like that is unacceptable.
Could the World Cup hopeful go from Los Angeles to Lancashire?
When his self-imposed US exile expires, David Beckham is likely to rejoin AC Milan: he recently reasoned that the move would be born out of “patriotism” and passionate for his country”, perhaps not realising that Milan isn’t in England.
However, a transfer back to the Premiership is still a possibility, and the latest club to be thrown into the fray are Blackburn. They are linked to Mr B via 412-year-old Spanish defender and former Real Madrid teammate Michel Salgado:
“David and I are still friends. He asked me all about my new club.
“Could I get David to Blackburn? Of course I’ll have to speak with him.
“The problem might be we have to collect money from the players to pay his wages.”
Spoiler bonus: We don’t think that Beckham will be lured to Ewood Park by the prospect of playing with his old amigo, so Blackburn will have to remain internationally famous only for its mention in this song…
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