“The surgically enhanced serial bedmate-to-the-stars”

Alicia Douvall was inducted into the world of waggery in 2000, when she started going out with Dwight Yorke (”I didn’t even know who he was. I just wanted someone to look after me and my daughter”). The glamour model was devastated when he cheated on her with fierce rival Jordan, and has since enjoyed “relationships (read:”shameless kiss-and-tells”) with Calum Best, Dennis Rodman, Dean Gaffney, Lee Ryan, and Mick Hucknall.

No footballer is safe from the Essex model’s “charms”

Those who likes their WAGs with ridiculous breast implants, dozens of incongruous tattoos and absolutely no concept of shame are in luck today.

Jodie Marsh first entered the national consciousness by documenting her quest to become a topless model in reality TV show Essex Wives. She then decided to go outside wearing nothing but an array of belts, and has been entertaining us with her dry witticisms and highly lauded TV appearances (Totally Jodie Marsh: Who’ll Take Her Up the Aisle?, It’s Me or the Dog) ever since.

In 2004, Jodie claimed she had a steamy liaison with Frank Lampard, but her bona fide ticket into the world of WAGdom comes from Marcus Palmer, the Solihull Moors (Conference North) striker who put up with her for a few months last year.

Spurs striker is motivated by scoring ‘Arry money glamour girl

When his second home China White closed its doors for the final time last month, Jermain Defoe held a candle lit vigil in Piccadilly, weeping for the wonderful glamour girl-boffing memories its four walls had provided him with.

The club’s second greatest patron (or maybe third, behind Gaffney) was former reality TV show star Chantelle Houghton. Champion swordsman Defoe had already rutted his way through many of Chantelle’s ilk (Charlotte Meares, Danielle Llloyd etc) before the pair started seeing each other romantically in November, and it’s been love ever since. Awww.

Now, the pneumatic model is attributing his recent good form (huh?) to her presence in his life:

“I love watching him play because all I do is look at his legs.

“I’d like to think his recent good form is all down to me of course.”

We couldn’t agree more. About the legs, that is. She continued:

“I’d seen him around before and thought he was gorgeous but he always had a girlfriend.

“This time is he was single and we just got on really well.

“Things are going brilliantly. He makes so happy and it’s such a good feeling. I think he could be The One. I hope so anyway.”

Chantelle - who married someone she didn’t really like after meeting him on a reality TV show - is probably being a little optimistic calling Defoe “The One”. As far as he is aware, “monogamy” is how Scottish people celebrate the New Year.

Spoiler bonus: More Chantelle here

Jermain Defoe boffs yet another glamour girl

Essex girl Chantelle Houghton came to the nation’s attention when she highlighted the farcical nature of Celebrity Big Brother, easily winning the competition despite having no fame whatsoever. She then married fellow contestant Samuel Preston (the hypocritical chap from that band who had a fantastic first album that contained lyrics heavily criticising those who “sell out”) and slowly worked her way towards an inexplicable massive fortune.

These days, Chantelle does her best Jordan impression, hanging around London nightclubs with fellow WAG wannabes Chanelle Hayes and not-a-racist Danielle Lloyd. The latter is currently very angry with her former BBF for going where so many sketchy virtuous girls have gone before - into the arms of prolific nightclub swordsman Jermain Defoe.

Also appearing on a computer near you…

21-year-old Italian Grand Prix winner Sebastian Vettel could earn €100m over the next ten years
[Grid Crasher]

Sepp Blatter arrived in Africa recently, and proceeded to bust a few moves
[Fanhouse]

Thierry Henry’s ex-wife Claire Merry gets post-divorce cosmetic surgery
[Daily Mail]

Monty Panesar looks to The Fonz for inspiration
[Polite Applause]

Joe Cole’s wife-to-be Carly Zucker wants to make you fit
[Kickette]

The FA will investigate Alex Ferguson’s remarks concerning John Terry’s red card
[BBC]

Luca Toni’s Wife Marta Cecchetto is the number one Bundesliga WAG
[Bild]

Yet another stupendously hot member of the Italian WAG circuit

Like so many stunning Italian WAGs before her (Letizia Filippi, Francesca Lodo, Martina Colombari, Francesca Chillemi, Vincenza Cacace and Elisabetta Gregoraci to name but a few), Sara Tommasi is a graduate of the much-lauded Miss Italy pageant. She was runner up in the 1998 competition, and soon moved on to bigger things. Well, at the very least she moved on to bigger boobs (which she displays rather frequently), and relationships with West Ham’s Valon Behrami (who’s now rutting former WOTD Elena Bonzanni) and Filippo Inzaghi (whose numerous trysts have included Aída Yéspica and Elena Barolo).

Who produces the world’s finest WAGs - America, or Europe?

On The Spoiler yesterday, Swede Oksana Andersson convincingly defeated Yank Jennifer Walcott (no relation to Theo), but the votes swung the opposite way over at On205th. Despite the split decision, Miss Andersson narrowly stole it with a 52.7 per cent majority, giving Europe a devastatingly sexy 4-0 lead in the contest. Woop woop!

On day five, a Playboy model and NFL wife is up against a Yorkshire beauty who has charmed Newcastle’s Steven Taylor and Gazza…

Round Five: Carmella DeCesare/ Tanya Robinson

[click the image to get a better view]

More pictures of Carmella here, more of Tanya here

Playboy model who’s tired of her domestic duties

Prior to marrying fugly ex professional footballer Neil Ruddock, Leah Newman was a glamour girl socialite who made oodles of cash hawking her wares in publications such as The Daily Sport during the day, and spent her evenings in London WAG haunts such as Chinawhites. After the birth of their daughter Izzabella Ivy Grace Ruddock, however, things took a rather boring turn, and on an episode of Celebrity Wife Swap in 2007, she admitted her life was ‘crap’. She feels like a prisoner in her Hastings home, while Ruddock, who was never the fastest player on the pitch, is happy with their lethargic lifestyle:

“I could sleep all day, get up and have me dinner, then go back to sleep again.”