World Cup Qualifier, 5.15pm, ITV 1, £10 Free Bet

If England can score four goals in Croatia against a team that had never previously lost a home qualifier then surely they we can expect forty against a country that most people have only heard of because of Borat. But alas no. Lampard and Gerrard will celebrate their reunion by tripping over one another and the impatient home support will get angry when England fail to score in the first five minutes. Here’s why England will only win 2-0 or 3-0, according to our friends at chickendinner:

Why England will only score two or three

» England have score exactly two goals in each of Fabio Capello’s three games at Wembley, as well as in the last home game before his arrival, the 2-3 loss to Croatia.

» The Three Lions scored three goals in each of the three home games prior to that, which means that in the last seven England internationals at Wembley - England have always scored between two and three goals.

» From 2005 onwards, Kazakhstan’s heaviest margin of defeat in away qualifiers has been 3-0 losses to Denmark, Portugal and Croatia.

Click here for more invaluable betting advice including why Kazakhstan won’t score and why England will have to wait a while before breaking the deadlock.

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The Sun gets the quote it wanted from former Kazakhstan coach

Kazakhstan’s former manager has given The Sun an excuse they probably didn’t need to go Borat mad in the build-up to the former Soviet republic’s clash with England at Wembley on Saturday. Freshly sacked boss Arno Pijpers admitted that his former charges had watched the Borat movie, although whether it is used as a motivational tool before every game is questionable to say the least! Pijpers said:

“They are normal footballers who train and prepare like any others. When they are on away trips and they are not playing or training they will play cards or watch DVDs.

“Yes, they do watch the Borat movie. I know the country’s politicians didn’t like it, but the players find it funny. They get the jokes and don’t think the movie makes fun of Kazakhstan. It makes fun of the US more than it does Kazakhstan.”

Reminders of the last time Borat embarrassed England after the jump…

Borat isn’t going to like this

A few weeks ago, Barcelona striker Samuel Eto’o turned down a move to Tottenham Hotspur, reasoning that they are ‘a mid-table club and I need more’. The wantaway Cameroonian obviously heard that PFC Kuruvchi finished second in last year’s Uzbek League, as he has been anounced as a new signing on their extremely well-written website:

In addition, invited and signed contract with Cameroonian forward Samuel Eto’O from Barcelona. Striker will arrive to Tashkent on July 17th and will play in the second half of championship of Uzbekistan. In our view, this great football player you are all well known. But the greatest benefit from him staff of Kuruvchi waiting in the matches of AFC Champions League 2008.

Of course, Barcelona have laughed off claims that Eto’o will be moving to Uzbekistan on a six month contract, yet PFC are confident they have bagged the 27-year-old. They even claim that Barca, who have told Eto’o they don’t want him next season, have significantly lowered their £30m asking price due to the ‘personal friendship between presidents of the clubs.’

Check out PFC Kuruvchi’s official site here, where they also claim that Xavi, Puyol and Iniesta are heading over to the former Soviet nation. The club’s president, Lie McBullcrap, is currently unavailable for comment, and is said to be hiding away in his gum drop mansion at 123 Fake Street, in Tashkent’s wealthy Madeupsville suburb.