This morning’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

Just as Fergie was enjoying watching his pre-season mind games unfold, Carlos Tevez has made a bid to increase the old duffer’s blood pressure with comments about C-Ron’s move to Real Madrid. He said: “I understand Cristiano. Every footballer wants to play at Real Madrid,” later adding “if what he seeks is something else, I think that should be respected.” Considering speculation has died down, and more attention is being paid to Ronaldo’s macho dress sense, it’s an odd time for Tevez to go public with his thoughts.

Dimitar Berbatov to AC Milan
On a day that is certain to make Sir Alex Ferguson’s face even redder than normal comes the news that Tottenham will accept a cheaper offer from AC Milan for Berbatov just to make sure that the striker doesn’t wind up at Old Trafford.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Levy clearly means business

Brad Friedel to Aston Villa
The word is that Martin O’Neill has had an offer accepted for the American goalkeeper and the reason Blackburn - whose chairman John Williams recently said “Brad Friedels don’t grow on trees” - are suddenly happy to sell is that they have Paul Robinson waiting in the wings.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: This move probably

Today’s rumours, gossip and damned lies

Various whispers suggest arrogant winger David Bentley is no longer a target for the Big Four coffers, and will join Tottenham today. We’re desperately hoping it’s true after a weekend where the biggest transfer news was Watford’s Danny Shittu rejecting a move to Rangers…

Brad Friedel to Aston Villa
Spurs are supposed to be shifting shifting Paul Robinson over to Blackburn as part of the Bentley deal, and Paul Ince has so much faith in the slippery-fingered one that he will offload Friedel to Aston Villa.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: The only thing Robinson has over Friedel is youth. Sort of.

Ronaldinho to Man City
Citeh have made an £18 million bid (controversially via email, not the Premier League’s preferred communication method of fax) but you get the impression that he would arrive reluctantly, possibly with a roll of fifty pound notes shoved in his mouth to silence the screams. Ronaldinho’s camp have allegedly leaked the deal in a desperate attempt to get Milan to bid and save him.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He wants to go to Milan but it looks like they can’t match Man City’s offer. You couldn’t have dreamt of reading that sentence a year ago.

Alexander Hleb to Barcelona
One irritating saga that is finally reaching its conclusion is Hleb’s great escape

These men would DIE for you

With the transfer window now wide open, money men with be lapdancing pathetically throughout the summer, hoping to attract some big name players. Don’t bother with this little lot, you successful football whores.

GK Brad Friedel (Blackburn Rovers)
He might have been plying his trade in Blighty for over ten years, but Friedel still has that “U.S.A!” grit about him - a stateside quality most profoundly portrayed by Sly Stallone in Escape to Victory in 1981. He’s been at Blackburn since 2000, and against stiff competition from the likes of David James and Petr Cech, he still comes out on top. Just.

DL Phil Neville (Everton)
There’s something about Phil Neville that suggests he spends teatime shovelling food into his mouth at an ungodly speed, before slamming his cutlery down, punching the are and shouting “I win”. It’s a worry.