Should we really care?

After yesterday’s deeply upsetting news that one of the greatest love stories of modern times has reached a conclusion, it seems there may be hope after all. Pneumatic C-Ron worshiper Nereida Gallardo was strutting around in her finest Daisy Dukes spitting venom at anyone who suggested her man was back on the market:

“This is all nonsense. I spoke to him today, like always. We are together. He told me he loves me and I him.”

If I know Ronaldo, which I don’t, he has spun Nereida a yarn about still being together, but he’s undoubtedly already balls deep in a prostitute fivesome.

(By the way, is the foxy blonde in the left-hand picture Nereida’s mum, or a good reason why we should all avoid prolonged sun exposure?)

[This Is Extra Time]

Europe’s red light districts gear up for another busy period

Good news ladies of the night - Portuguese man-o’-sex Cristiano Ronaldo is back on the market and ready to help put your children through higher education!

According to Portuguese tabloid 24 Horas, the tricky winger became fed up of reading about Nereida Gallardo’s lurid sexual past, and their relationship was met with disapproval by his mum Dolores, who believed the failed Majorcan model had more interest in C-Ron’s bank balance than his heart.

So what was the straw that broke the modern slave’s back? Was it the news that Nereida had slept with potential new teammate Sergio Ramos? Was it her classy modelling past? Or was it simply the fact that she isn’t particularly good looking?

Either way, it was fun, Nereida. We at The Spoiler will sincerely miss you and your silicone charms.

[Muchos love to Kickette for the tip]