The Madridistas have found a new hero, says our Spanish media spy

If he scores against Villarreal tonight, Cristiano Ronaldo will make history, by becoming the first ever Real Madrid player to score in his first four consecutive league clashes. With the Primera season well underway, The Spoiler’s Real Madrid mole Valentine Fell tells us how the Spanish capital has responded since his ceremonious arrival…

The media
Despite the obligatory negative swipes he has been receiving, the press are desperate to speak to C-Ron: the ‘mixed zone’ at the Bernabeu turns into a full-on rugby-scrum every week in an attempt to get so much as a soundbite from him. There’s no doubt the city’s physiotherapists will be getting a few more visits in the coming months, due to the contortionist-like positions the media are having to put themselves in to get their mics anywhere near his little pocky face.

The Portuguese media
A batch of mentalists that warrant their own group. The press conferences are head-banglingly annoying as the Portuguese press seem to have camped out at Valdebebas (the team’s training ground) to ask every single player and staff member about the perma-tanned one. It’s a little like watching an overbearing parent at an open evening. The rest of the media are all waiting patiently for the player who blows his fuse first. My money is on Raul!

His teammates
Watching Cristiano in training is like watching a machine. Before