Ingrate Portuguese star buys a Beckham-esque Roller

Cristiano Ronaldo - the man who brought you such comments as “The possibilities of me going to Real Madrid are great,” and “I’ve said a million times that I’d love to play in Spain” - has celebrated his decision to stay among the prefab mansions in Alderley Edge by splashing out on a £340,000 Rolls Royce Phantom convertible.

Manchester’s ladies of the night may be worrying that their businesses will suffer because C-Ron has sunk so much of his disposable dinero into his new Roller, but they needn’t: it represents just under three weeks wages.

[The Sun]

Double D gets a fancy sports car delivered

So far this summer, Didier Drogba has been randomly linked to Inter, AC, Barcelona, Marseille and virtually every other European club worth mentioning. Yesterday, however, Chelsea may have been given the biggest indication of his intention to stay in the UK yet, as he had a convertible Mercedes SLR delivered to his Surrey mansion. The car appears to be right hand drive with British plates, suggesting he wishes to stay here and pay the extortionate amount required to keep it taxed and on the road.

Yes, it’s easy enough to take a car abroad, but anyone who has ever driven a right hand drive car in Italy will know what it is like to dice with death. The Italian high-speed-bumper-car mentality

Large automobile to be exchanged for dignity

Last night, Austrian striker Ivica Vastic earned himself a lifetime’s supply of beer from a Vienna-based brewery, by slotting away an injury time penalty. In the spirit of rewarding overpaid athletes for fulfilling the criteria of their job description, Paddy Power have offered the first Spaniard to score against Sweden tomorrow night a Hummer. That’s not a ‘hummer’ in the sense that Cristiano Ronaldo and his lady-of-the-night associates may understand it, but rather one of those grotesque gas-guzzling military vehicles that they can’t shift for love nor money anymore.

There is, however, one condition for the giveaway. The Spanish scorer must also perform the ‘Chiki-Chiki’ dance - it’s a joke routine that started on Spanish television and ended up being their 2008 Eurovision entry: