The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies
Fabian Assmann to Chelsea
Goalkeeper Assmann - whose WAG Melina Pitra happens to have a very nice, er, personality - has been linked with a £4m move to Stamford Bridge by the Argentinean press.
The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Such an offer would almost certainly be snapped up by Assmann’s current club Independiente, but the move will probably depend on how much faith the next Blues manager places in Petr Cech.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic to Real Madrid
Despite his proven ability to remain completely anonymous in big games, Real Madrid remain
The Gunners threaten to actually win something this season
Arsenal 4/ Cardiff 0
In the most touching example of overcoming adversity since Forrest Gump snapped off his leg braces to outrun some bullies, Eduardo scored twice in a game that came 359 days after Birmingham’s Martin Taylor shattered his left leg.
The last time there was such a good atmosphere at the Emirates, Bruce Springsteen was headlining.
The bizarre decision to play this fourth round replay after all the fifth round matches have taken place just to please the TV companies caused so much confusion that The Guardian somehow forgot that Burnley even existed. Both teams start tonight on lengthy unbeaten runs so cliche dictates that something has to give. Our friends at chickendinner aren’t convinced though and have compiled five reasons why Cardiff won’t be beaten in ninety minutes:
1. Cardiff are unbeaten in thirteen games in all competitions, a run that dates back to mid-November.
2. The Bluebirds have kept three straight clean sheets and have lost less away games than any other team in the Championship.
3. Playing away from home didn’t hinder Cardiff’s cup progress last year either with three of their four wins prior to the semi-finals coming on the road, including a 2-0 win at Middlesbrough.
Heather Swan finds modern way of parting with husband
If Hollywood films are to be believed, married couples only split up while driving in the rain, or when angrily throwing crockery around the kitchen as a child weeps in the next room. Michael Chopra and wife Heather Swan, however, have defied cinematic convention by using a social networking site to part with one another.
The couple - who have a son named Rocky - had a lavish £250,000 wedding last June. They are said to have bickered throughout their honeymoon, and Chopra moved into rented accommodation shortly after. The Mirrorsays Heather delivered the final blow to the on-loan Cardiff star by changing her relationship status on Facebook:
Reality TV star Heather Swan, 24, changed her status to single on the social website after just seven months of marriage and let others tell Michael.
The £30,000-a-week Sunderland striker, 25, hit back by axing her mobile phone contract, declaring on his own Facebook page: “Heather will have a new number tomorrow, ha ha.”
We had no idea divorces were this easy. If only Paul McCartney had been a Facebook member…
It worked out pretty well for Havant and Waterlooville last year…
Histon, who overcame Leeds 1-0 earlier today, were left disappointed after being paired with Swansea in an underwhelming FA Cup third round draw. However, last year it was Havant and Waterlooville who drew the Welsh side at this stage and after getting through that tie they were rewarded with a trip to Anfield.
Barrow got the best draw of the non-league clubs and will make the trip to Middlesbrough while Forest Green face Derby and Eastwood travel away to Notts County or Crawley. Holders Portsmouth face Bristol City while runners-up Cardiff face Reading. Chelsea and Arsenal were drawn at home to Southend and Plymouth respectively while Liverpool and Manchester United are away to Preston and Southampton.
The other interesting ties see Sheffield United drawn in East London against Leyton Orient on the same day that their ”Tevezgate” enemies West Ham face Barnsley, who are considering legal action against the Blades after Chris Morgan’s horror elbow on Iain Hume: don’t be surprised to see one of those games moved to the Sunday! Check out the full draw after the jump:
Following his transfer from Motherwell to Cardiff this season, striker Ross McCormack has been having a torrid time trying to see his young son back in Scotland. It’s a sad situation, but perhaps he may seek some solace in the fact that he has brought a very sexy part of Scotland with him, 23-year-old model Courtney St John.
Charlton manager knows how to keep fans off his back
After stumbling across comments made by Alan Pardew following Charlton’s 2-0 home defeat to Bristol City, The Spoiler was struck with a sense of déjà vu. So we looked at comments the former West Ham boss has made after his side’s last five defeats and started to see a pattern emerging. See if you can spot it:
Pardew after losing to Wolves: “Some players were just a wee bit below [par] but I have to take into account that Wolves are really flying at the minute. So there’s a lot of thinking to do between now and Doncaster.”
Pardew after losing to Sheffield Wednesday: “We had a few low performances today and I’ll have to look at the selection of the side because there are one or two who are desperate to have a go now and I might have to look at a change.”
For fans of Britain’s Got Talent, The Spoiler is backing either the kid who keeps moaning that people want to hit him because he sings like Aled Jones, or the long faced street urchin who bodypops. Not - make this clear - the Cheeky Monkeys, who might look like wonderful little toddlers but are, in fact, total cretins. Vote them OUT! And, in other big news, today’s transfers are another hot potato…
Michael Johnson to Everton
Why play sexy football with Arsenal or Liverpool when you could play thump-and-smash with Everton? That’s probably exactly what David Moyes said to young Michael, who joins the rest of the Man City squad of headless chickens in frantically running away from gun-waving maniac Thaksin Shinawatra.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Sorry Everton, but the new Steven Gerrard looks destined for one of the Big Four.
Richard Dunne to Tottenham
Ramos’ plan to buy every single defender in the world is starting to take shape. Only hundreds more to go, Juande.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Would be guaranteed a starting place, as King and Woodgate take it in turns to rest their weeping heads on matron’s womanly bosom.
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