Tomorrow’s headlines today

Insomniacs, don’t lie in bed waiting for tomorrow, simply skip bed and bring tomorrow to you. Have breakfast straight after your tea, enjoy lunch at around midnight, and have a look at these futuristic stories we plucked from the space time continuum specifically with you in mind…

West Ham chucks Ljungberg
After two league goals in 22 starts, West Ham have decided to tell Freddie Ljungberg to get lost. Transfer fees, wages and compensation package combined, Ljungberg is thought to have cost the Irons a whopping £13 million. And what was the most memorable moment of his spell? The Swede soaking up the Arsenal fans’ applause at the Emirates stadium after hobbling off injured on his return. Paul McCartney might start thinking he got off lightly.

Prof Wenger sneers at the Carling Cup
Three straight runs to the last four of the Carling Cup, and a final appearance in 2006, hasn’t cured Arsene Wenger’s utter contempt for the Carling Cup. Looking totally disgusted, he moaned: “It is clear there are two trophies we are focused on - the Premier League and the Champions League. After that, the FA Cup, but we will never go seriously for the Carling Cup.” Unless, od course, you win it, Arsene.