Well, hello there, fair maiden… oh hang on!

Whilst the rest of the nation is leaping through the streets, shouting “snow! It’s snow! Everybody look - SNOW! OMG SNOOOW!”, because there’s been a bit of snow, hardened football journalists have their eyes fixed on the horizon, wondering just exactly what’s going to go down in January.

According to today’s Independent, one possibility is that the robed gentlemen at Man City will look to bolster their defence by fishing in rather warmer waters - namely, Barcelona ones.

The big talk recently has all been about a tussle with Spurs for Matthew Upson’s autograph, but other names on the Man City wants list are said to include Barcelona’s should-be shampoo model, Carlos Puyol. And their token French defender, Eric Abidal.

As everyone knows, you can’t beat a French left back. Wayne Bridge, beware. 

With Lescott screaming and clutching his leg in a nearby hospital, and Toure off to win the African Cup of Nations, they are in dire need of a man at the back. Puyol seems very unlikely, however.

If you’re planning to go to Glasgow tonight, don’t, it would be a silly silly move. Should Rangers win, Celtic supporters go bonkers, should Rangers lose, everyone goes bonkers. And, of course, “bonkers” is street slang for face punchy and eye scratchy. You would be far wiser to read about today’s transfers and say nothing more about it…

Carlos Puyol to Man United
Fergie has long been an admirer of Puyol’s gorgeous long hair and robust playing style - the whisper is that he’s going to throw Gerard Pique in as bait.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He’s Mr Barcelona, and the Ferdinand/Vidic axis of strength might be impossible to break. Unlikely.

Giovani dos Santos to Chelsea
This guy has been hailed as ‘the new Ronaldinho’, which presumably means he’s a great footballer, not a podgy nighclubber who could eat his breakfast through a fence.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Warm, very warm.