Welcome to Manchester, I say welcome to Manchester…
According to The Sun, Carlos Tevez has taken a leaf out of Dimitar Berbatov’s book and is using TV to finally learn English. But whereas Berbs took linguistic cues (and style advice) from Al Pacino and co. in The Godfather, Tevez has chosen to study at the feet of resident shemale, Hayley Cropper, star of ITV soap Coronation Street.
The Argentinean striker was convinced to take up English lessons by Man City team-mate and compatriot Pablo Zabaleta:
I have told Carlos he needs to come to me for lessons. It is important to learn because we need to speak with team-mates and managers and everyone. Plus we are living in England for the future.
The Spoiler attempts to explain the Argentinian’s inconsistency
A strange thing tends to happen when Lionel Messi pulls on an Argentina shirt - generally speaking, he loses the dazzling talent that made him the centre piece in Barcelona’s triple-winning season. But why does this happen? As the Albicelestes prepare for a vital clash with Peru on Saturday, Spoiler correspondent Sam Williams gives five possible reasons for his inconsistent form on the international stage…
The manager
Comparisons with Maradona are inescapable, particularly when the manager forces the iconic number 10 shirt on Messi. Before the recent World Cup qualifiers against Brazil and Paraguay, Maradona said of his star player: “We’ve been heaping responsibility onto him. He’s fast, concentrated, totally committed. He knows the chance he has.” Argentina duly lost both games.
Messi is consistently outstanding for Barcelona because he plays in a liberated, care-free manner. He knows how good he is, and if Maradona lets him get on with it, he could help dig Argentina out of the World Cup Qualification hole they find themselves in.
The formation
In the aforementioned defeat to Paraguay in Asuncion, Messi was deployed up-front in a 4-4-2 formation. For all his attacking qualities, five-foot-seven Messi isn’t an out-and-out striker and he couldn’t impose himself against the big, physical Paraguayan centre-backs. Alongside a target-man
Bulgarian striker offers a pessimistic self assessment
According to his Wikipedia entry, Dimitar Berbatov is the most prolific striker the world has ever seen, but sadly this is not the case. The Bulgarian has not threatened defences quite like he did when he wore a lillywhite shirt, and thanks to his unique “relaxed” playing style, he doesn’t earn an ‘A’ for effort in the eyes of most Utd fans (nor the players, who frequently infer that he is the laziest player at training).
Berbs has never appeared short of confidence - and his performance on Wednesday showed flashes of brilliance - but he has today been very critical of his own performances for Manchester Utd:
“In my first year I was disappointed in myself. I need to say that.
“It was a big pressure for me and maybe I failed myself. I think I wanted to prove myself to these supporters.
“You must remember, they are used to Best, Charlton, Cantona. I am just Dimitar.
“I got a number of assists, but I must score more goals.”
While Berbatov seems to suggest that his £30m price tag is an albatross around his neck, some Manchester Utd fans have jumped to his defence. Scott at ROM argues that Carlos Tevez ran around like Sonic the Hedgehog on Red Bull, but his strike rate was less impressive than Dimitar’s: the Argentinean managed one goal per 371 minutes, compared to the Bulgarian’s one goal per 282 minutes.
So, has he been a failure, or is he being a little harsh on himself? Votes and comments below, please…
Blues striker comes over all Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen
Perhaps unsurprising for a man with a penchant for renting accomodation and promptly smashing it up, according to The Sun this morning Carlos Tevez has taken a sledgehammer to his newly accquired executive boxes at the City of Manchester Stadium (a ground barely seven years old), knocking a wall through to combine the two:
The “super box” - which will cost him £70,000 a season - is big enough to accommodate 20 pals. It is decked out with fridges, tellies and other luxury gizmos
Ignoring the fact it’s 2009 and The Sun still consider televisions and refrigerators ‘luxury gizmos’, we reckon Tevez will already have a few ideas of what do with the extended space - top of the list being a bigger venue for he and bessie mate Patrice Evra to celebrate Park Ji Sung’s birthday next year.
Some expert advice for the weekend’s activities from Sporting Index
In case you hadn’t noticed, all the cool kids are making their ritual viewing of Soccer Saturday a little more interesting with the help of spread betting. Our friends at Sporting Index are the go-to-guys for this money making art, and they have kindly provided previews of two of this weekend’s big clashes…
Stoke/ Manchester Utd
The Red Devils follow their derby triumph with a trip to the Britannia Stadium, where the Potters lost just four games last season. The comparisons drawn between Stoke’s home and Burnley’s Turf Moor are extremely welcome to sellers of United’s win index spread, as the Clarets, of course, defeated United there earlier in the season. Spread punters who followed the progress of Tony Pulis’s first top-flight season will remember, however, that United were one of the several clubs to leave the Britannia with three points, thanks only to a late Carlos Tevez goal. Chelsea are the only other member of the Big Four to play there so far this season and also required a last gasp winner. Buyers of the time of the last match goal will hope for a similar spread make-up on Saturday.
Fulham/ Arsenal
Due to their demolition jobs on Everton, Portsmouth and Wigan
Loading ...