Crystal Palace’s greatest contribution to Waggery, society

Anyone who has sat in the rickety wooden stand above the Player’s Lounge at Selhurst Park will know it’s not the most glamorous place in the world, yet you may frequently find WAGs Boutique star Elle Isaac sitting there, drinking in the crisp Croydon air. She met Palace and Barbados midfielder Paul Ifill while working as a bar manager in Brighton during her university holidays, and they had a daughter named Romy in 2006.

‘The most talked about model in the country,’ says her new book…

They say that everyone has a book within them, and 24-year-old glamour model Cassie Sumner is no exception. When she isn’t putting her thoughts to paper or bearing her breasts outside nightclubs, Kent-born Cassie has been steadily working her way through the Chelsea team - so far she has bagged Celestine Babayaro, Steve Watts and Michael Essien.

The cover of her latest tome boasts that she has dated ‘everyone from Russell Brand to [the aforementioned] Michael Essien’, depsite the fact that Essien denied they ever went out and Brand discredited her kiss-and-tell claims as part of his stand up tour. Nevertheless, we at The Spoiler took a scientific approach to discovering who the ‘everyone’ in the huge spectrum between Mr Brand and Mr Essien may be, and devised the Cassie Sumner famous steamroll-o-meter:

Looks like it was only Ziggy, then.