Argentinean model with an appropriately-named boyfriend

Perform a quick Google image search of Argentinean model Melina Pitra and you will learn two things: she is is hot enough to make clergymen weep, and she is very keen to display her fabulous derriere.

Keen to draw more attention to her greatest asset, the 23-year-old has snared an aptly named footballer - Independiente goalkeeper Fabián Assmann.

Spurs striker is motivated by scoring ‘Arry money glamour girl

When his second home China White closed its doors for the final time last month, Jermain Defoe held a candle lit vigil in Piccadilly, weeping for the wonderful glamour girl-boffing memories its four walls had provided him with.

The club’s second greatest patron (or maybe third, behind Gaffney) was former reality TV show star Chantelle Houghton. Champion swordsman Defoe had already rutted his way through many of Chantelle’s ilk (Charlotte Meares, Danielle Llloyd etc) before the pair started seeing each other romantically in November, and it’s been love ever since. Awww.

Now, the pneumatic model is attributing his recent good form (huh?) to her presence in his life:

“I love watching him play because all I do is look at his legs.

“I’d like to think his recent good form is all down to me of course.”

We couldn’t agree more. About the legs, that is. She continued:

“I’d seen him around before and thought he was gorgeous but he always had a girlfriend.

“This time is he was single and we just got on really well.

“Things are going brilliantly. He makes so happy and it’s such a good feeling. I think he could be The One. I hope so anyway.”

Chantelle - who married someone she didn’t really like after meeting him on a reality TV show - is probably being a little optimistic calling Defoe “The One”. As far as he is aware, “monogamy” is how Scottish people celebrate the New Year.

Spoiler bonus: More Chantelle here

Meet Celeb BB’s biggest football fan

Shooting Stars presenter Bob Mortimer once gave the nation a musical summary of Celebrity Big Brother housemate Ulrika Jonsson, assessing her relationship with the beautiful game:

“She’s football crazy/ She’s football mad/I can’t think of a single footballer/Ulrika hasn’t had”

In the context of the serial WAGs of today (like six-time Danielle Lloyd), this seems a little harsh, as the former weather girl has had just two prominent footballer relationships. She produced an elusive sex tape with Stan Collymore before accusing him of domestic abuse, and said “I fell in love with a little old man,” when fellow Swede Sven Goran-Eriksson engulfed her in a bizarre love triangle with Nancy Dell’Olio.

Serial footballer admirer snares victim number six

Danielle Lloyd is to footballer steamrollerings what Bob Dylan is to songwriting: prolific. Until this day she had still to be inducted into the WAG of the Day hall of fame, however, on account of her new “relationship” with Liverpool rapper/ footballer Ryan Babel, the not-a-racist-but-says-racist-things glamour model has finally earned her place.

Jermain Defoe boffs yet another glamour girl

Essex girl Chantelle Houghton came to the nation’s attention when she highlighted the farcical nature of Celebrity Big Brother, easily winning the competition despite having no fame whatsoever. She then married fellow contestant Samuel Preston (the hypocritical chap from that band who had a fantastic first album that contained lyrics heavily criticising those who “sell out”) and slowly worked her way towards an inexplicable massive fortune.

These days, Chantelle does her best Jordan impression, hanging around London nightclubs with fellow WAG wannabes Chanelle Hayes and not-a-racist Danielle Lloyd. The latter is currently very angry with her former BBF for going where so many sketchy virtuous girls have gone before - into the arms of prolific nightclub swordsman Jermain Defoe.