Lads on tour! Woop woop! 

Remember Euro 2008? It was brilliant - England weren’t there, Holland were great, Russia were tremendous, but it was Spain who won the thing. They were the best. Really good. So good that they’re still celebrating, even though the full time whistle went exactly a million hours ago.

London derby turns into a love-in

Well done to regular Spoilinho Kwesi, who sent us the above image of an erotic encounter between a man who can take penalties under pressure, and a man who can’t.

Click here to see the full Sporno gallery

Which Spaniard deserves a smacked bottom?

Big tournaments always seperate the wheat from the chaff, the goats from the sheep, the real heroes from the posers wearing drainpipes etc. And this year has been no different. Going in, everyone was blathering about Ronaldo, and saying things like “it could be France’s year, seriously, I just know it”. How wrong those idiots were.

Make no mistake, it’s been a great tournament, and there is still time for some big names to become great again, but for now, The Spoiler barometer has cast it’s aspersions. Don’t fight it, drink it in.

Topping the table with a phenomenol run is Valencia’s David Villa - a man who can somehow make time to fashion a pencil beard and score four goals for Spain. He has left Torres in the shade. To think he was going to go to Tottenham. Hilarious.

Also on the up and up is Russia’s revelation Andrei Arshavin, one of the Zenit St Petersburg crop. His lofty Russian wages won’t scare off the bigger names in Europe post-tournament, so expect to hear much more from him.

Those two are joined in the top half of the barometer by Wesley Sneijder - the pick of the excellent Holland team - and Turkey’s Nihat Kahveci, who scored probably the best goal so far against Petr Cech, supposedly the best goalkeeper in the world.

Sliding down towards the other end is Germany’s Klose - tipped

The Spoiler considers the top flight’s finest in Austria/ Switzerland

Although England fans will not get a chance to make fools of themselves on the streets of Vienna, the best league in the world is very well represented at the European Championships. With this in mind, The Spoiler has whittled down the top flight’s best imports to form some kind of monolith XI of continental talent. And Petr, you may have more arms than a Vishnu God, but you’re on the bench for this one…

Jens Lehmann
Forget the increasingly gaffe-prone Petr Cech, Lehmann is the guy to watch. He won’t be a Premier League player next season but he has a point to prove and could well lift the trophy.

Patrice Evra
Ridiculously, he still isn’t a regular in the French team, but a lack of Premier League left-back’s potentially up for selection in this XI means he creeps in ahead of Alvaro Arbeloa.

William Gallas
When he’s not sulking, Gallas is actually a pretty good defender and France will be relying on him being back to his best if they are to challenge.

Ricardo Carvalho
John Terry’s better half will be keen to show he can perform just as well without the blubbering wreck by his side.

Nike find new way of endangering top sports stars, general public

Take a hike De Niro, there’s a new talent in town

In what will turn out to be a shameless viral for the sports company with the big swoosh, Cesc Fabregas is being given the opportunity to answer the question absolutely no one is asking: what is the man behind the footballer really like? Click here to be a part of his forthcoming ‘An Audience with’-style show. Or don’t. Whatever.

[Kickette]

Future of Arsenal’s best player in the hands of his meddling parents

When Real Madrid came to Arsenal last summer jabbing their heavily bejewelled fingers at a picture of Cesc Fabregas and brandishing 40 million euros, they must have thought they’d done enough to leave with their prize. The word from the Fabregas family, however, was

Catalan wonderkid redefines low-key

Barcelona and Spain’s next big thing Bojan Krkic scored his first goal at the Camp Nou at the weekend, a moment of delirium for any player, especially when only 17. Young Bojan celebrated as would any teenager who’d just guaranteed himself twenty years of exorbitant salaries and the attentions of the world’s most beautiful women - by jo

It’s a great life being a footballer, everyone knows that. And Arsenal’s Cesc Fabregas knows that better than most. A hot friend of the Spoiler speaks of how