AC Milan defender uses the sexy to get Brazilian’s attention…

Spotted at [ONTD Football]

Spoiler bonus: Check out our extensive Sporno gallery here

Things get even harder for Rafa, Arsenal stroll to victory…

Arsenal 4/ AZ Alkmaar 1

Cesc Fabregas (angrily) opened the scoring 25 minutes into Arsenal’s televised training match against the Dutch champions; Samir Nasri doubling the Gunners’ lead with an exquisite shoulder drop. Second half strikes from Fabregas and Abou Diaby wrapped up the win, although Alkmaar bagged a late consolation in the form of a Jeremain Lens toe punt.

At the final whistle, there was only one question on the lips of a half empty Emirates… what the f**k has happened to the Dutch league?

Lyon 1/ Liverpool 1

Last minute comebacks are meant to be reserved for Liverpool, although it seems Lisandro Lopez didn’t get the memo. The Argentinean striker took advantage of some suicidal injury time defending to cancel out Ryan Babel’s impressive 83rd minute strike, signaling most Reds fans to start checking which TV channels are still showing Europa League football.

In a game of stark contrasts, Andriy Voronin plumbed new depths of unacceptable wankery, while Lyon keeper Hugo Lloris did a lot more to justify his billing as Football Manager-endorsed Keeper of the Future than Igor Akinfeev had on Tuesday.

Newbie managers hold English sides in Europe…

CSKA Moscow 3/ Manchester United 3

Leonid Slutsky’s (no laughing at the back) side took a surprise lead through Alan’s 25th minute strike, but were soon pegged back by a typically poached goal from Michael Owen. After going 3-1 down to a pair of all-too-easy goals from Milos Krasic and Vasili Berezutski, United staged a late rally - 84th minute late - with a Paul Scholes header and Antonio Valencia’s deflected equaliser.

Atletico Madrid 2/ Chelsea 2

Chelsea started the match ready to hammer an Atletico Madrid side, laughably shambolic on and off the pitch, who had nothing to play for. However, Atleti put in an admirable first-half performance, before Kun Aguero came on and smashed a 66th minute volley which stuck a massive middle finger up at any idea of a Blues rout.

Didier Drogba grabbed a late brace, but Aguero popped up again in injury time (with a free-kick that’ll add a few €m to his price tag in January) to grab a point.

It’s time for Rafa to dig himself out of yet another hole

Yesterday The Spoiler picked out a four-team accumulator and were just one goal away from celebrating a tidy £104.70 profit. With Liverpool a tasty 21/10 on 888sport to win away to Lyon tonight, we’re relying on Rafa’s knack of delivering results when they matter most to make us some money. Here’s why we’re trusting the Reds:

» No team has ever done the double over Liverpool in the Champions League group stage since Rafael Benitez arrived in 2004 and only one side - Benfica in 2006 - have beaten the Reds twice in the same season in the competition.

» Liverpool have won their last four Champions League games in France, beating Bordeaux, Toulouse and Marseille (twice).

» Lyon have triumphed in just four of their last 12 home matches in the competition and were beaten 2-0 by regular strugglers Sochaux the last time they stepped foot in the Stade Gerland.

Click to claim £50 of free bets when opening an 888sport account

The alternatives to watching a racist tonight

Heroin users regularly tell thespoiler, that following the intense euphoric rush as the drug first kicks in, comes a withdrawal period. Anxiety, depression, nausea and excessive yawning all follow in the next 24 hours. It’s easy to empathise on weeks like this.

The Champions League shows us a bit of leg on the Tuesday, even more on the Wednesday, but by Thursday, as the Europa League theme strikes up, the aforementioned symptoms are all too familiar.

At 6pm, two struggling sides meet on ITV4, as Lazio host Villareal, currently rock bottom of la Liga. At the same time on ESPN, Everton can continue their march towards the knock-out stages by taking care of former European giants Benfica.

At 8pm, three more matches to ignore in the competition that contains more groups than Simon Cowell’s record label. Martin Jol’s Ajax host Dinamo Zagreb, captained by former Liverpool scapegoat Igor Biscan. ITV4 are showing Celtic’s defeat at home to Hamburg whilst the match of the night is at the Cottage, where Roma come calling on Ch5. Feel free to insert your own Stan Collymore - Cottage related joke. Thespoiler never goes for the easy laugh.

For a better standard of football this evening, MUTV at 7 is the place to watch Manchester United Reserves tackle Blackburn’s second string

This won’t end well…

One wouldn’t think Jose Mourinho takes criticism in his stride. Having called Arsene Wenger a ‘voyeur’ for offering some opinions on his Chelsea side, called affable Claudio Ranieri ‘old’ for questioning his special attitude, and told Carlo Ancelotti that he is, ‘ no friend of mine,’ after he softly questioned Inter’s style, the evidence seems fairly damning.

Enter Samuel Eto’o, who in the aftermath of Inter’s home draw with Kiev, decided to criticise Jose’s tactics:

“Things were much better in the second half with Suazo alongside me. It’s a mistake to go with one striker playing at home. We have to take more risks and have two players upfront.”

Can Jose risk dropping his main man? Or will he at last learn to tolerate a bit of criticism?

Who really wants to watch Chelsea win 1-0?

Another eight matches for your consumption this evening, although at least CSKA Moscow and Manchester United (5:30pm SS2) have the decency to kick off a little earlier for us armchair fans.

At 7:45, the two most successful clubs in European Cup history meet for the first time in almost seven years. Many expect Madrid to absolutely tank Milan, whilst in the other Group B fixture, Marseille will be collecting some Toblerone, and probably three points in Zurich.

Elsewhere, Besiktas go to Wolfsburg, whilst victory for Bordeaux at home to Bayern, could mean big trouble for Juventus, who themselves are at home to whipping boys Maccabi Haifa tonight.

For those without Sky Sports, Chelsea - Atletico is on ITV1 at 7:30, whilst the other Group D game tonight, Porto vs APOEL, should go largely unwatched.

As ever, predictions below…

UPDATE: Thespoiler has just been reminded that this year’s Champions League final is on a Saturday. Thank goodness Simon Cowell is usually on his holidays by then, or we may be looking forward to the first ever ITV2 Champions League final.

Delgado’s was the funniest, but this one was the best

The word unstoppable is much overused in the footballing vernacular, but Aleksandr Ryazantsev’s rocket for Rubin Kazan to open the scoring at Camp Nou last night, probably fits the bill. Victor Valdes had plenty of time to scramble across, but even then the ball comfortably eluded him. We’ve also included Ibra’s brilliantly taken equaliser and the winner. Because we’re those kind of people.