Meanwhile, elsewhere on the internet…

Chickendinner tipped the winners

[chickendinner]

Get your zany electronic Eurovision guide

[Popbitch]

Weeping footballers

[Pies]

More Nereida pics after the jump…

Terry plays, Chelsea lose

John Terry splits opinion - some consider him a great defender and leader of men, others find him to be a hateful little toad who has the oily look of a man who hangs around nightclubs at closing time looking for snogs/sex. The Spoiler has no opinion, just facts.

And the facts dictate that regardless of your stance in the great Terry debate, Chelsea would be wise not to start him tonight.

Enjoy today’s Link Dump accompanied by Bill Withers!

Fernando has finally gone under the knife

[Kickette]

Amazing and hilarious Eurovision guide!

[Popbitch]

Sportsman with astonishing tooth job

[Grid Crasher]

Classic Champions League finals

[Pies]

Very important betting information

[chickendinner]

According to “authorised sources”, whatever that means…

It’s not like the Spanish press to get remotely carried away, so when they say that Cristiano Ronaldo is going to Real Madrid, damn it man, that is exactly what is happening!

Or, of course, not.

United fans outnumber Chelsea ones

The Spoiler’s Russian correspondent reports that Moscow is absolutely bloody freezing and awash with a heavy rain, the likes of which may never be seen on these shores - a cold, hard rain that isn’t quite hail. All of a sudden, those big furry animal hats don’t look so silly, do they?

One man acts on a nation’s behalf

Arrgghhh, shouted The Sun newspaper, what an aggressive tackle - a two footer, no less. Meanwhile, the rest of the country stood back and applauded. Amongst them, a beautiful cowgirl known mysteriously as “Cheryl Cole” (pictured, below).

In the 1970s heyday of the BBC’s Holiday programme, when foreign countries were still mysterious, the presenters were forever reporting on locations “of contrast.” Turkey: “land of contrasts”. Barbados: “island of contrasts.” New York: “city of contrasts.” You get the idea. Eventually their locust eye would fall on a buffet and all talk of contrast would cease until the next report, but even the great contrast detectives of the seventies would struggle to find much difference between this season’s Chelsea and Manchester United. Foreign-owned, star-packed, formidable but flawed, you could shuffle the teams like Sir Alan shuffles Alpha and Renaissance and not detect any significant changes in strength or quality. Post-game, of course, there’ll be contrast a-plenty, which will spill over into the Premier League holiday season, with nervous luxury villa owners wondering if they’ll be getting the “gutted” Ashley Cole kicking their furniture to splinters or the “Words can’t express how I feel” version of the same player showing his delight in generous tips. The Holiday programme may be gone, but at least it has left a valuable remedy for the shock of defeat – a good buffet should do it.

Ten reasons why Manchester United will win:

1. Manchester United are unbeaten in this season’s Champions League.

2. They have also kept clean sheets in all of their last five games in the competition.

3. No team from London has ever won the Champions League - clubs from the North West account for seven of England’s ten successes.

Like children, footballers can be so cruel 

As absolutely everyone knows, before the biggest match of the season, the battle begins in the press. We like to call it The Battle of the Brains. Already Chelsea and Man United have been trading blows like furious tots in a street fight.

Rooney on Drogba:
Sometimes it seems as if his head is not there, but when he is playing at his best he is an unbelievable player.

Vidic on Drogba:
Sometimes he goes in very strong, and sometimes he pretends he is very weak. He plays with your mind and tries to make you think about the next tackle. He can pretend he fell down to win a penalty, but referees know that. The Champions League final is a big game and I’m sure the ref will know his job.

All the while, elsewhere on the so-called “internet”…

Can you guess which Man United player these people belong to?

[Kickette]

Say ahoy to Scotland’s finest cheerleaders

[Claymores]

Bet on Tevez to score in Russia

[chickendinner]

Lily Allen upsets F1 Boss

[Grid Crasher]

Chelsea fans touch down in Moscow

[Chelsea Pies]

Feeling a bit sensitive because you missed out on the big tickets? Oh stop whining, man - they’ve got loads left!

United fans, if it’s not too late, and if you really love your team as much as your weeping suggests, why not head over to Moscow and cheer them on from the snowy stands? All you need to do is turn up at the Manchester United ticket office before 8pm tonight, hand over £73 and set your alarm. Don’t forget your big furry hat, a bottle of 98 per cent proof, and some bright red lipstick - three essentials that you’ll need just to get past customs.

Usefully, The Spoiler has provided five ways to get to Moscow in time for the game:

1. Leave Heathrow tomorrow at 6.40am, catch a connecting flight in Copenhagen and arrive in Russia at 2.50pm local time. You can come home on Thursday via Warsaw and be back on British soil by 9.45pm. That’ll cost you just £539.