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Bloomberg illustrate a story about “Santana” and the Premier League with Cristiano Ronaldo and Christian Dailly - two players who don’t play in the Premier League
[101GG]

Maradona’s grandson sports the latest range in baby wigs
[Dirty Tackle]

Philippe Mexes plays down rumours of a transfer to Chelsea
[Sky Sports]

Manchester Utd may offer Nani as part of the Antonio Valencia deal
[EatSleepSport]

Chantelle Houghton does Paris Hilton
[The Sun]

Former Big Brother star may have brought epidemic to Teeside

Faces nightclub noticed a dramatic decrease in business recently, as two of its most loyal patrons - WAGs Chanelle Hayes and Chantelle Houghton - were enjoying a luxury holiday in Mexico.

While the trip was undoubtedly intended to alleviate the stresses of occasionally taking their clothes off in Nuts, the Big Brother beauties may have come home with a little more than a tan: The Daily Star claim the pair are being checked out by doctors to make sure they haven’t caught the deadly piggy flu.

Chanelle is slowly working her way through the Middlesbrough team, and is currently dating midfielder Matthew Bates. If she is found to be carrying the flu, it is very likely Bates will have it, and therefore the entire Boro squad would have to be checked out.

Fortunately for Tottenham, Chantelle Houghton no longer entertaining Jermain Defoe.

Also appearing on a computer near you…

In between one of her holidays and nightclub visits, Chantelle Houghton tells us that WAGs have a hard life
[Dirty Tackle]

Craig Bellamy is staying positive
[Off The Post]

Rafael van der Vaart plays down links with Chelsea
[Clubcall]

Coleen Rooney is pregnant
[MRWF]

BREAKING NEWS: John Terry’s Mum did not steal £800 worth of goods from Tesco and M&S. It was actually £1,450.
[The Sun]

Spurs look set to end their quest for Stuart Downing
[Daily Mail]

Arsenal board member Stan Kroenke has increased his share in the club
[The Telegraph]

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Chantelle Houghton has split with Premier League love rat Jermaine Defoe
[News of the World]

Cristiano Ronaldo does not think he should have been booked for diving yesterday
[Sky Sports]

German footballer-turned-porn star Eva Roob is still owrking the pole
[Dirty Tackle]

Like all the cool kids, we are “Tweeting”
[Twitter]

Martin Samuel considers Tottenham’s lack of direction
[Daily Mail]

Arsene Wenger says the Gunners’ goal drought is psychological
[The Telegraph]

Jermain Defoe’s sexy lady gets de-orangified

As every woman in her late twenties who owns a cat and a Heat magazine subscription will testify, BBC Three’s Snog Marry Avoid makes for highly entertaining reading. In the show, the kind of girls who spend their pocket money on fake tan and cosmetic surgery are given ‘makeunders’, in an attempt to make them look like normal members of society.

WAGs who walk the thin line between vanity and incredibly low self esteem have featured regularly in the series, the latest of which is Chantelle Houghton, the reality TV star who has been nursing Jermain Defoe back to health with her mesmerising chest.

Will we see a completely different girl when the layers of foundation are removed and the slutty clothes are substituted? Or just the same girl wearing a hat?

See the fruits of Chantelle’s makeunder after the jump…

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Cartoon exclusively for The Spoiler, courtesy of Chris at Studs Up

Rio Ferdinand has Gordon Brown on speed dial
[Guardian]

The January sales club-by-club guide
[BBC]

Why WERE Arsenal allowed to bust the transfer deadline for Arshavin? [Why HAVE they capitalised ‘WERE’?]
[Daily Mail]

The Tough Guy Challenge looks like fun
[WithLeather]

The US Olympic Committee is suing a strip club for holding the ‘Pole Olympics’
[SportsByBrooks]

David Moyes: “Refs favour Liverpool”
[Football365]

WAG Chantelle Houghton is there for Jermain Defoe
[MRWF]

Is it the end for the Prem’s most prolific WAG?

At some point in their career, every Premier League footballer has enjoyed a love making session with Danielle Lloyd. The preposterously-boobed glamour model has made no less than six Premier League conquests public, but her attraction to young men with lots of free time and money could be over, according to an interview she gave to yesterday’s News of the World:

“I’m not in touch with any of my former footballer boyfriends. I don’t like cheats so I don’t want to keep in contact.

“Jermain did what he did to me, he cheated on me. What’s her name, Chantelle, is welcome to him.” [That’ll be Big Brother “star” and fellow nightclub lurker Chantelle Houghton - Ed.]

“I can’t let myself get hurt anymore. I’ve been burnt more than once, I’ve been burnt so many times. If it happens any more I’ll be burnt to a crisp.”

First China White closes, then Danielle Lloyd announces she is out of the game. Things are getting pretty tough for footballers in 2009 - if they stop making the Range Rover Sport, some footballers will have absolutely nothing left to spend their money on.

Spoiler bonus: Danielle now has a modelling agency for those who wish to hire “reliable and sassy girls”.

Spurs striker is motivated by scoring ‘Arry money glamour girl

When his second home China White closed its doors for the final time last month, Jermain Defoe held a candle lit vigil in Piccadilly, weeping for the wonderful glamour girl-boffing memories its four walls had provided him with.

The club’s second greatest patron (or maybe third, behind Gaffney) was former reality TV show star Chantelle Houghton. Champion swordsman Defoe had already rutted his way through many of Chantelle’s ilk (Charlotte Meares, Danielle Llloyd etc) before the pair started seeing each other romantically in November, and it’s been love ever since. Awww.

Now, the pneumatic model is attributing his recent good form (huh?) to her presence in his life:

“I love watching him play because all I do is look at his legs.

“I’d like to think his recent good form is all down to me of course.”

We couldn’t agree more. About the legs, that is. She continued:

“I’d seen him around before and thought he was gorgeous but he always had a girlfriend.

“This time is he was single and we just got on really well.

“Things are going brilliantly. He makes so happy and it’s such a good feeling. I think he could be The One. I hope so anyway.”

Chantelle - who married someone she didn’t really like after meeting him on a reality TV show - is probably being a little optimistic calling Defoe “The One”. As far as he is aware, “monogamy” is how Scottish people celebrate the New Year.

Spoiler bonus: More Chantelle here