Well, hello there, beautiful racist…

For those of you unfortunate enough not to have made it to Faces nightclub in Essex over the weekend, you missed out on one hell of a party. Mutya from Sugababes had her tatts out, Charley from Big Brother was overheard gabbling into her phone, and sometime WAG Danielle Lloyd showed up in an almost see-through number. Yeah, that’s right - WOW.

Just thank Christ we’re here to fill you in on the goings on.

After the jump, Danielle Lloyd flirts sexily just for you…

And so the football season comes to a dramatic halt, with very dodgy happenings over in Boro - something stinks, and for once it isn’t Jermain Defoe’s finger. Either way, with the top and bottom sorted, the players thought it necessary to go out on the razzle-dazzle. Fashionable Movida was the place to be.

Of course, as expected, Jermain Defoe was his usual slippery self, persuading a cheerful brunette that she should just get in the car and return with him to his dreamy bachelor pad - there, he would no doubt pop on some light Jazz music, spark up a joss-stick, then make some seriously oily love to her until the sun rose, or his alarm clock went off (whichever came first). Lots of that is assumption, but probably happened.

Find out just what those pretty WAGs have been doing while their boyfs were out having a kickabout

While their hot boyfriends have been greasing up and playing footie, the WAGs haven’t just been sitting around painting their nails in different colours to suit their moods. They’ve been doing other stuff too.

Rooney’s long-term girlfriend Coleen McLoughlin has lifted the lid on what