It’s all betrayal and fake tans in the world of Waggery

When beset by heartache, it is often best to confide in someone. In reaction to her separation with three-timing serial WAG boffer Jermain Defoe, Danielle Lloyd has done exactly that, by sharing her pain with the readers of The Daily Star:

‘It was my decision to finish it and I am happy to be single again. After the story broke, I just couldn’t trust him. I empathise with Cheryl. It is horrible when you are in love with someone and you find out they have betrayed you.’

By rutting other ladies without a care in the world, Defoe hardly gave you much choice in finishing the relationship, Dani. And yes it is horrible to be betrayed by your lover - just ask Charlotte Meares, the WAG he betrayed to go out with you!

Romantic settings are hard to come by in this vicious war-torn world. There’s the Empire State Building (Hanks/Ryan territory), the Eiffel Tower (a Crouch/Clancey favourite), beachy sunsets (any idiot who travels to Thailand in their “gap year”) and, of course, Embassy nightclub in fashionable London. It’s the place where Jermain Defoe practices his romance.

Not so long ago, he brutally chucked Charlotte Mears in favour of kindly Danielle Lloyd - their romance was sealed with a massive snog in the VIP

Hatred is coming to the coastal city

In a move which will have devastating financial consequences for swanky London clubs and the paparazzi, Danielle Lloyd is about to move to Portsmouth to be with her untrustworthy love rat fiancé Jermian Defoe.

A source from The Daily Danielle Lloyd, I mean the Daily Star, said:

“Moving to Portsmouth is a big step for Dani, as her work, friends and life are in London.

Ex-Big Brother racist enrols on the fast track marriage scheme

Last Friday, Danielle Lloyd packed her bags and left Jermain Defoe’s huge Hertfordshire mansion, in search of another rich/naive sportsman.

But despite the allegations against Jermain and the fact that he left Chinawhite last week with an exotic (read: skanky) beauty

Racist WAG compares her relationship to that of a happily married couple

Just last week, I gleefully reported that Danielle Lloyd had moved out of Jermain Defoe’s Hertfordshire mansion (designed by her ex-friend Charlotte Mears, who had the foresight to install six ovens in the kitchen). Now, it appears the dream is over, as the fountain of hatred has re-gained her WAG colours by patching things up with the Spurs striker.

Jermain Defoe has had enough of her abhorrent personality

It seems that Jermain Defoe scored a double victory on Tuesday – not only did his side beat their fiercest rivals, but earlier in the day he managed to get Danielle Lloyd to move out of his house.

The Big Brother racist was given her

Carling Cup finalists celebrate with ex-WAGs and a little too much drink

Last night Chelsea managed to join Spurs in the Carling Cup semi-final, and players from both teams joined forces with a celebratory night out at London’s Chinawhite. Pictured above is Jermain Defoe, who has no problem with wearing a baseball cap in a nightclub, or sharing a cab with a lady who looks like she charges by the hour.

Jermain’s WAG Danielle Lloyd was noticeably

Did nobody tell them it’s the middle of January?

OK! Magazine held it’s strangely belated New Years party at the Embassy Club in London last night, and several of our favourite WAGs stepped out to celebrate their nonebrity and lack of contribution to society:

Here’s Alex Curran, stepping out in a delightful skirt that she obtained from a lampshade in my parent’s house in 1986.

And here’s Jermain Defoe’s ex, sly-as-a-fox Charlotte Mears. The blonde model is obviously trying to fool use with her cunning disguise, yet we’d recognise that newly-acquired depression-halting chest of hers.

Footballer could have sparked the divide between Basketball WAG Eva Longoria and her hubby

Obviously not contented with the dissolution of his own marriage, Thierry Henry is reported to be aiding his friends in their extra-marital affairs.

As a guest at the fancy summer wedding of Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria (pictured left, blending into leather couch) and San Antonio Spurs b-baller Tony Parker, Henry introduced the groom to Ronaldo’s ex,

Lloyd and Mears go toe-to-toe in Defoe’s luxury driveway

In a WAG-based recreation of the legendary scene in Dynasty where Alexis Colby and Krystal Carrington go loco in the grounds of a gorgeous stately home (found here in beautiful German for extra dramatic effect),