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Rio Ferdinand and Wes Brown get candid

Robbie Keane starts the conspiracy theories rolling
[The Sun]

… And the Irish justice minister demands … justice
[Telegraph]

Player gets carded for farting in ref’s face
[Mirror]

Fan fined £120k for Sweden/Denmark pitch invasion
[The Sun]

Atletico Madrid are on the brink of accepting £40m for Aguero
[Guardian]

Yuri Zhirkov’s knees are struggling with the UK weather
[Daily Star]

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Some respite from videos of girls kicking each other to pieces on the pitch - awww. [spotted on Deadspin]

Nothing else going on today - play Spectrum ZX-era Football Manager online
[EPL Talk]

Toon defender crashes into wall made of wild boar
[The Sun]

It’s not all bad - Carlo Cudicini gets to be nursed back to health by this lady
[Caught Offside]

Salomon Kalou spends the international break fighting
[Daily Mail]

Emmanuel Adebayor is unable to talk about anything that isn’t related to Arsenal
[Mirror]

Unsurprisingly, Nani is looks to be heading out of Old Trafford
[Telegraph]

Whose dugout would you like to see the Portugeezer rock up in?

Over the weekend Jose Mourinho took a break from bullying football’s favourite pensioner and being told what to do by Samuel Eto’o, to confirm what we all already knew - he wants a Premier League comeback sooner rather than later:

I love Inter and would love to build for the future here. In fact, I am doing it now because I am not a selfish coach and I’m thinking about the future in terms of youth development and the age structure of my first team.

But Italy is not the country for this. England is the country — and my football is English football. I am ready for the next phase of my career — I want to work with a different perspective.

Football chiefs could face £900k compensation bill…

Chelsea midfielder Frank Lampard has been forced to pull out of England’s Qatar-based friendly with Brazil on Saturday, after picking up a hamstring injury brought on by the ‘cramped’ team plane.

The FA are now reportedly facing a £900,000 compensation claim from the Blues, as they look to reclaim the £151,000 p/w wages they’ll be shelling out while Lampsie is sprawled out over a physio’s bench.

According to The Sun, Lampard tore a thigh muscle during England’s first training session, after attempting to “burst into a sprint” (seriously, those were the words they used.) The finger of blame was immediately pointed at a pokey jet the FA had chartered to fly its team 3,000 miles to Qatar.

Not his own one to ‘recover’ from his many ‘injuries’, it’s for charity

The Spoiler can’t quite put our finger on it, but Didier Drogba has been strangely likable this season (discount last Sunday’s impromptu Harlem Shake if you want.) Perhaps it’s the undeniably prodigious goalscoring, or the fact there was a massive Drogba-deficit last season. Anyhoo, he’s been a thoroughly entertaining bloke recently, and, dare we say, perhaps now even a nice one.

According to the Daily Mail, Didier has pledged the £3m fee he’s just received for becoming the new face of Pepsi to a donation fund for building hospitals in his homeland, the Ivory Coast. He’s even managed to convince ‘hard-up’ Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich to top up the pot with a few million petrodollars:

Sources close to the remarkable deal also claim there will be a generous donation by Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich in a personal show of support for Drogba.

Sportsmail understands Abramovich may even have offered to match the donation pound for pound.

Mr Chelsea loves fishing around in wet, smelly muck…

Out now!

Full front page here

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Ironic that a bloke called Hansen should profit from some of the worst defending in history [via Off The Post]

The Gunners dress up for charidee, Fabregas apparently rocking a weird pony/rabbit hybrid
[Kickette]

Women’s footballer turned stripper goes back to her roots
[Dirty Tackle]

Hopefully these two will play a friendly against Martin Taylor next summer
[The Sun]

Peter (Kenyon) goes to Hollywood
[The Times]

Five players Rafa should sell in order to buy someone who can save his job
[Caught Offside]

Man City offer QPR two squad players + £1m for a 14-year-old
[The Mirror]

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Didier Drogba takes football theatrics to seizure-tastic new levels

Jonas ‘Spiderman’ Gutierrez finally scores… but leaves his Spidey mask in the dressing room
[The Sun]

Game of the weekend: Lyon 5 - Marseille 5
[101 Great Goals]

6 stadiums which have sold their souls - although ‘Bargain Booze Stadium’ conjures fond memories of The Spoiler’s student days
[Telegraph]

John Terry will now have a special chant for every member of his family
[News of the World]

Are Eboue and Sagna ready to quit Arsenal’s goal party?
[Caught Offside]

Wee Gordon Strachan thinks marriage is the key to Boro’s problems
[Off The Post]