Finally, Man City star can play his bongos in peace

If there’s one thing Robinho loves more than half-arsed performances, Adriano sex parties and taking the bus, it’s pimping his mansion.

In February, the Manchester City star brought a Copacabana atmosphere to rainy Cheshire by installing a beach football pitch, and in his latest attempt to emulate his home nation, has installed a £30,000 soundproof music suite. In it, he can play his beloved samba music late into the night, without disturbing the neighbours who already have to put up with looking at a huge muddy sandpit in his garden.

A made-up source told The Sun: “He is always playing his bongo drums.”

Manchester City star brings Copacabana to Cheshire

Foreign Premiership players each have their own way of treating home sickness - Ryan Babel collects clogs, Tim Cahill likes to relax among his stuffed koalas and Cristiano Ronaldo does it with prostitutes.

Robinho has devised his own way of bringing a bit of Brazil to the UK by having a shipment of sand delivered to his home, for the purpose of playing beach football. His neighbours must be delighted:

“The Manchester City forward, 25, has clubbed together with Brazilian team-mates Elano, Glauber Berti and Jo to create the pitch.The sand will be laid out in the grounds of his new Cheshire mansion.”

We admire Robinho’s inventiveness, but we’re not convinced that beach football is well suited to a place where it seldom stops raining.

‘Grotesque’ new homes anger toffee-nosed villagers

Residents of a posh Cheshire village have taken time away from their backgammon games, wine racks and learning the Daily Mail by heart to complain about ‘The Rooney effect’, whereby Premiership footballers, almost always from a different part of the social spectrum, knock down perfectly good houses to make way for their vast pleasure domes. The Torygraph reports:

Norman Moffitt, the vice-chairman of Prestbury parish council, said: “We’ve seen some very nice houses being knocked down and replaced by new ones, some of which are pretty grim and others which are simply horrific.”

Wayne and Coleen, who need just one bedroom, bulldozed a five-bedroom family home to make way for their humongous new gaff (pictured above, under construction) - a trend started by Mark Hughes and continued by the likes of Michael Carrick, Roy Keane and cricketer Andrew Flintoff.

Petitions have been organised to stop more of the monstrosities springing up, while Alderly Edge resident