The Spoiler

Chris Kirkland tips Titus Bramble for an England call-up


Wigan staff try to help one another win Fabio Capello over

Fabio Capello has named a number of unlikely candidates in his England squads over the last twelve months: Joe Lewis, Michael Mancienne, Jimmy Bullard and Carlton Cole to name a few. However, Wigan goalkeeper Chris Kirkland has pushed the boundaries even further by tipping Titus Bramble for a call-up.

The Wigan defender, famed for screw-ups like the ones in the video above, has had a good season but surely still has some way to go before he can justify the label “international standard”, especially considering many other English centre-backs like Phil Jagielka, Matthew Upson and Gary Cahill have impressed this year.

However, talking up one another’s England prospects appears to be in vogue right now at the JJB, as Steve Bruce, who was famously never capped, has put in a good word for Kirkland, labelling him “the best goalkeeper in England”. All that remains now is for Bramble to point out that Bruce should be the next England manager and a perfect triangle will be complete.

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Posted: March 16th, 2009 by Michael Lintorn

Video highlights: Arsenal’s kids tear Wigan apart


Small children help Gunners reach Carling Cup quarters

Arsenal 3/ Wigan 0

It will be a few years before Arsenal’s Jack Wilshere is old enough to indulge in John Carew’s favourite extra-curricular activity, but the 16-year-old had the skills and confidence to help Arsenal’s nippers put on an astounding display at the Emirates. Don Fabio, who was watching from the stands, would be foolish not to reserve a spot for him in the national side.

Wigan keeper Chris Kirkland had to put in one of the performances of the season to keep a their full-strength from sinking under the pressure of a team whose average age was just nineteen. Let’s hope Professor Wenger sticks with his youthful B team all the way through to the final.

Spoiler bonus: Highlights of Manchester Utd’s unconvincing victory against QPR after the jump…

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Posted: November 12th, 2008 by Ryan Bailey

The Massive Letdown XI


Hide your faces in shame…

Wayne Rooney

Ug, is there anything worse than having all of your dreams shattered? The short answer is, of course, no, no there isn’t. Yet every year we get all excited and start hailing new saviours for the England football team, here to finally banish a million years of pain. Players like Barnes, Collymore, Gareth Barry, Walcott.

These men came to us like mighty footballing Christs, then gave us nothing but salty tears.

Yeah, thanks a lot, guys. Here’s the worst of the bunch…

GK Chris Kirkland
When Kirkland joined Liverpool in 2001, people went mental, insisting that he was the future England keeper, and would be for hundreds of years to come. Then he kept getting injured, and now Capello has more faith in David James, an 86-year-old gentleman who Liverpool fans once derided for being totally rubbish.

DL Wayne Bridge
What a breath of fresh air Bridge was when he was careering up and down the flanks at Southampton. Some even suggested that he might be better than that hateful little toad, Ashley Cole. Unfortunately, even Wayne Bridge wasn’t buying that one, and he now spends his days earning money for doing nothing, which makes him a total loser/genius.

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Posted: August 26th, 2008 by Josh Burt