Going out is much more fun when you get hammered

Twas the Tottenham Christmas party this week, and Giovani Dos Santos gave his greatest performance of the season. After enjoying the festivities at London’s Taman Gang Club, the Mexican decided not to use his injured limbs, insisting that some security men escort him away.

Clearly, he taking Ledley King’s advice on the correct way to enjoy a night out (relive the magic here , here and here).

[The Mirror via 101GG]

Man City forward relieved of £23k worth of bling

Darius Vassell may have looked like the belle of the ball in the £15,000 Cartier watch and £8,000 earrings that he wore to Manchester City’s Christmas party on Sunday night, but his grotesque display of wealth left him subject to the wants of nasty criminal types:

The Manchester City forward was “roughed up” as his Cartier watch and jewellery were snatched.

It is understood that Vassell shared a taxi with a woman back to his apartment in Didsbury. He got out to allow the woman to continue her journey and was arguing about the fare when he was attacked.

Frankly, for his failure to adhere to the Premier League Players’ Behaviour Code, Vassell had this attack coming. What kind of self respecting millionaire sportsman argues about a cab fare? And more importantly, how many players let a woman “continue her journey” rather than taking her home and sealing the deal? Come on Darius, what would Robinho have to say about that gentlemanly blunder?

Footballers denied permission to get their crunk on

Hip hop “stars” Lil Wayne and Akon will be holding a behemoth of a Christmas celebration in Miami, and via their relative fame, Didier Drogba, Nicolas Anelka, El-Hadji Diouf and Djibril Cisse have earned invites.

Unofrtunately, the Premiership stars’ opportunity to parade their astonishing wealth in front of other shamelessly affluent young folks has been denied by Big Phil Scolari and Roy “Buzz Killington” Keane. The “biggest hip hop bash ever thrown” is scheduled for Christmas week, and apparently there are quite a few pesky Premier League games set to scupper the festive plans.

Frankly, this professional obligation is a blessing in disguise for Anelka and Drogba, as anyone who has ever been in a confined space with El-Hadji Diouf will undoubtedly agree.

Tomorrow’s headlines today…

Wow, already the Olympics are creating household names - new heroes for us all to love. There’s that Welsh girl who did the bike thing, then the swimming one who was brilliant, and let’s not forget that the little diving guy still has another chance to miss out on the medals. They’re all great. But enough already, here’s some up-to-the-moment football talk to stick in your pipe and make bubbles with…

Barry may play in the UEFA Cup
Martin O’Neill has revealed that if Gareth Barry is still an Aston Villa player on Wednesday then he could feature in their UEFA Cup qualifier against Icelandic side FH. That would render him illegible for the Champions League. Hmm, could this be O’Neill’s subtle way of giving the clubs another deadline? Let’s ask Columbo…

He says “yes”.

England captain announced in seven days
Fabio Capello has confirmed that the new England captain will be revealed two days before next Wednesday’s friendly with the Czech Republic - ie. otherwise known as “next Monday”, Fabio. Rio Ferdinand, get your mock-shock face ready.

IMPORTANT MARC OVERMARS GOSSIP!

Yet another ‘baller misuses a festive social gathering

Rumour: A Premier League and England player steamrollered two girls in the back of his car during his club’s Christmas party. At the end of the evening, he was far too intoxicated to drive the thing home, so he had to beg his wife to come to the party in a taxi so that she could drive them both home in the same car he had been entertaining his guests in earlier.

The Spoiler’s truth-o-meter: This one came from inside the club camp, so it stinks of authenticity.

Update: Hey Sherlock, need some help deducing identity of the player? The Kickette ladies are getting all methodical about the denouement process.

And remember, the rumour doesn’t state that the incident definitely took place during the most recent festive season…

Lamps and Shevchenko clearly didn’t read the memo

Yes, it’s the time of year when the overpaid megastars of the Premiership wear even stupider clothes than usual, and it was Chelsea’s turn to ring in the festive season in London last night.

While some players got in the spirit by donning fancy dress (see JT and Pizarro below), others treated it like a casual night out. Princess Frank wore his normal Princess attire, with socks rolled all the way up in order to please Fabio Capello.

Andriy Shevchenko is under the impression it’s still 1994, and wore a baggy rollneck accordingly.

John Terry had a tough time picking between