The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Stewart Downing to Aston Villa
The Spoiler assumed that replacing Martin Laursen and Gareth Barry would be Aston Villa’s priority right now but apparently not. The Daily Mail claim that Martin O’Neill is looking to thwart Spurs (and they sure will be heartbroken!) by signing Downing on a loan deal with an option to make the move permanent.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: This has to be nonsense. Villa have a lot of work to do this summer and bringing in someone who plays in the same position as their star player Ashley Young is surely not top of the agenda.

Joleon Lescott staying with Everton
The Daily Star report that Manchester City have been priced out of a move for

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101 Great Goals alert us to the latest in South American football violence

Bad news: Georgie Thompson might be off the market
[The Sun]

Claude Makélélé is the latest footballer to suffer a robbery
[Inside World Soccer]

The ten footballers set to “boss” 2009
[FHM]

Why Burnley should bow out of the Carling Cup with pride tonight
[chickendinner]

Spurs seal the Palacios deal
[Sky Sports]

Posh and Becks want to sell us fancy pants again
[Sports Crackle Pop]

Portsmouth are eyeing up Juventus’ Christian Poulsen
[Goal.com]

Nicola McLean and her chest are back, and they want to sell you stuff
[On205th]

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The Offside remind us of the best way to stop a pitch invader: a good ol’ knee to the face

Video: Some Greek fan violence from last weekend
[The Beautiful Game]

Christina Surer is the hottest racing driver EVER
[Grid Crasher]

An American take on Ebbsfleet Utd
[NY Times]

Video: French rugby star knocked out by horror tackle
[Polite Applause]

Cristiano Ronaldo: “I am the first, second and third best player in the world.”
[Football365]

MLS stars hang out with Coldplay, get bored very quickly
[The Offside Rules]

Claude Makelele’s wife Noemie Lenoir at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show
[Kickette]

Life after Chelsea is quite swishy, it seems

For those of you who know nothing of the delicate world of fashion, it’s Fancy Dress Week in Paris, which means that the streets have been awash with a disproportionate amount of camp young gentlemen weeping in neckscarves. Amongst them, Claude Makelele, now of Paris St. Germain. He’s been spotted hanging around beside runways, as his sexy young bride Noemie Lenoir struts up and down in strange and wonderful underpants.

See some of them after the jump…

Oh my God, what is she LIKE?

Don’t believe everything political satirists tell you, props are still hilarious. Nothing, literally nothing, is more fist-clenchingly funny than watching a man in a massive multi-coloured wig putting on some of those brilliant glasses where the eyeballs fall out on springs. It’s comedy gold.

As is the above image of Claude Makelele’s delicious wife, Noemie Lenoir, pretending not to be beautiful by popping in some pretend teeth that look all rotten. Claude must have been horrified… until she took them out! Then he probably rolled around of the floor laughing at the sheer bloody hilarity of it all.

Side-splittingly funny, that girl.

After the break, watch her being less ingenious and laugh-inducing, but more steamy…

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

Alexander Hleb’s quest to earn the eternal hatred of Arsenal fans has gained further momentum today, as he told the world that Cesc Fabregas helped convince him of the pleasantries of Barcelona life, before hinting that the Spanish super sub may be joining him in Catalonia soon. The Spoiler sees it as a distinct possibility in a year or two, but for now, Cesc will surely remain at the Emirates.

Claude Makelele to PSG
The ageing Chelsea midfielder is ready to follow Ludovic Giuly and Lillian Thuram to Paris as the French side look to bring together a team strong enough to challenge for the European Masters Cup over the next few years.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: A done deal

Didier Drogba to Barcelona
Following Makelele out of the door could be Double D, who kindly told Chelsea that if nobody better comes in for him over the next few days he will sign a new contract. He has ducked out of Chelsea’s tour of China with a knee problem, prompting speculation he is leaving.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Scolari insists he is staying put

Andy Johnson to Fulham
The Cottagers have now decided

Ahh, c’est Monsieur le fashionable and his missus…

Fashion is confusing. We’ve all been to that party where someone’s standing there with a bowler hat on, some cut-off denim jacket, a pair of pants outside his/her trousers, some sweat bands.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know this was fancy dress,” you say, incorrectly.

“Oh DARLING,” they boom in return, “you really are a square!”

Well, The Spoiler might be a big fat meat and potatoes square, but even so, we can still tell when some strange fashion tips have been exchanging hands. First Thierry Henry was spotted striding around New York City wearing a t-shirt with a big honking tie emblazoned on it, and now his great pal Claude “getting a bit old for football” Makelele has followed suit - his fashionable garment, however, features not a tie, but a solitary pair of gentleman’s spectacles.

What next? Ribery wearing a picture of the boxer shorts he’s not wearing?

How we yearn for the great days when footballers would just wear their kit 24/7. At least we knew where we stood back them.

After the break is a picture of Makelele’s girlfriend, Noemie Lenoir, wearing some fashionable underpants…

The latest transfer news fresh from the rumour vine

Arsene Wenger recently rocked the footballing world by sending a fax to Milan, warning them to stop sniffing around Emmanuel Adebayor. The threat in itself wasn’t the shock, but rather his method of communication - Internazionale’s fax machine had probably been lying dormant since 1989 when the Frenchman’s choice words came through. If he runs out of fax paper, which surely can’t be bought in the 21st century, he’ll probably end up sending a telegram or a small messenger boy in a toga to Barcelona…

Emmanuel Adebayor to Barcelona
Arsene Wenger had just finished mopping his brow at the news Milan would accept Arsenal’s decision not to sell Adebayor when Barcelona rode in to declare the striker their number one target.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: A possibility considering Eto’o is leaving

Dani Guiza to Arsenal
But don’t fear Arsenal fans, what better way to recover from the loss of the Premier League’s joint-second goalscorer than by replacing him with La Liga’s number one?

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Maybe, Champions League clubs are bound to chase

Claude Makelele, Lillian Thuram, Robert Pires and Ludovic Giuly to Paris Saint Germain
Some bright spark at PSG has decided it would be a stroke of genius to bring together a group of French veterans who would surely take the league by storm and guarantee instant success.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: It seems not everyone in France watched Euro 2008

Peter Crouch to Portsmouth
Harry Redknapp has told