Has anybody seen Dennis Wise lately?

There’s a bit of a mystery unfolding on Tyneside - no one seems to be able to locate Newcastle Utd’s Executive Director of Football Dennis Wise.

The man whom Vinnie Jones warmly refers to as “Ratboy” hasn’t been in the directors’ box at St James’ for a few months, and apparently played no part in the January transfer window negotiations. Out of pure concern for his well being, The Spoiler called all his known contacts - Mike Ashley, Dick van Dyke, Danny Baker, Jason Statham and Trigger - but no one has seen him.

Regardless of his whereabouts, the rumour vine suggests Wisey is about to part company with Newcastle. It’s hard to believe that they wouldn’t want a man who has sourced fantastic talent like Xisco, who drove out King Kev, and who preferred to take his family to the theatre in London rather than attend important matches, but that’s just how ruthless the folks who run the club are willing to be in these difficult times.

“One down, two to go,” say Toon fans

Tony Jimenez has left his post as vice-president (player recruitment) of Newcastle United according to a statement on the club’s official website.

The only reason given in the vague release is that he has left to “persue other interests” and the assumption can be made that the consortiums involved in takeover talks have made it clear that they have no role for Jimenez. It also suggests that if new owners aren’t installed by January, Mike Ashley doesn’t intend on delving into the transfer market.

The online reaction in Newcastle is that Jimenez’s exit is a triumph for the fans and that Dennis Wise and Ashley, the two other members of the “Cockney Mafia”, will soon follow.