Danielle Bux by Rob Field

As mentioned yesterday afternoon, The Spoiler has developed a worrying fascination with turning WAGs into clowns, as, it appears, have some of you. Thanks to Rob Field, Jack Hill and Sarah Haswell for today’s gallery of clowns. Keep sending your pictures here, friends.

As they say in the trade, get clowning!

More after the jump…

Up yours, Capello! We love the circus!

How dare the England manager attempt to keep our good WAGs down. These women didn’t spend weeks and months ironing their hair, painting liquid tan between their toes, and eating just the right amount of sliced carrot and dip for someone to come along and deny them five star treatment. It is their right, and they WILL have their revenge.

As a means of supporting them through this trying time, The Spoiler has assembled a small collection of WAG photography, and put it together as an homage to their kindness and beauty. Amongst them, you will find Clancy, Rives, Cole, Curran, Slade, McLoughlin. That’s right, all the greats.

Stay positive, beautiful, lonely WAGs.

All the pictures after the jump…

Manchester Utd star suffered for attempting to steal tour merch

Over the last weekend, the greatest popular music artists in the world (and Scouting for Girls) assembled for the annual V Festival. Most notable among the celebrity fans was Coleen McLoughglin/ Rooney, who was spotted pulling on her Hunter wellies to enjoy the Stereophonics.

The Welsh rockers, of course, are Wayne Rooney’s favourite band: his classy tattoo and the fact that they played at his wedding are testament to this fact.

During a live TV interview with cockney Channel Four presenter (and avid Charlton fan) Dave Berry, girly-named singer Kelly Jones revealed that Rooney has been going to see the band in concert since for many years. The tiny Welshman also let slip that at the tender age of thirteen, Rooney had his jaw broken by a member of the Stereophonics entourage for attempting to steal a T-Shirt.

On a slightly more diplomatic note, when asked for his thoughts on Wayne’s hideous

From the exact same people who brought you Being Coleen’s friend, part one: The secret agony and Being Coleen’s friend, part two: Step aside, everyone

As established, it’s not easy being Coleen’s friend. She makes you feel badly dressed with her smooth sense of style, she’ll happily barge in and destroy your big day, and she berates lowly McDonalds workers for not having lobster on the menu. Presumably.

But even worse than all of the above are her intrusive phone calls at all hours of the day/night. In the above picture, she is lounging around in a stateside swimming pool, casually phoning one of her pals to brag about how boiling hot it is, and how much money she just spent on lunch. All the while ignoring that it’s the middle of the night in dreary old Blighty, and the sad voice at the end of the line needs to be up at 7am to trudge to their lowly day job, praying that something exciting might happen for once. Please, just anything. Even something bad.

These drop-everything-and-listen-to-my-incessant-boasting phone calls can take place anywhere from twelve times a day, to not at all for three months. It all depends whether Coleen can be bothered to like you any more.

From the exact same people who brought you Being Coleen’s friend, part one: The secret agony

Once again, close your eyes, friend. Picture yourself as one of Coleen McLoughlin’s closest, and probably coolest, acquaintances.

You get to see all the outfits she wastes, all the strong alcoholic cocktails she orders with absolutely no intention of drinking. And worst of all, when you’re finally booked in to play that DJ set you always dreamed of at the H Bar in Liverpool, in she steams to take over, as you look on, forlornly. A broken man. There’s nothing you can do though. She’s Coleen McLoughlin, for God’s sake. You’re just some guy who wanted to play a few records.

Step aside, Coleen coming through! Step aside!

Damn it, we were going to buy a yellow top!

Ever wondered what it must be like to be a WAG? No, us neither. How about a friend of a WAG? Yeah, us too! It must be awful - them with all their nice clothes and wealthy boyfriends, you with your outfits beamed in from last season and no boyfriend. Oh the agony!

To emphasise the point, we’ve dug out a picture of Coleen McLoughlin featuring a shadowy blonde girl lurking in the background. See how her hungry eyes devour every detail of Mrs Rooney’s new look? She will literally go home and yell to the sweet baby Jesus to deliver her a strappy bag and garish see-through top with a frilly bit on the front before sunrise. All the while bashing things up like one of those crazy monkeys in 2001: A Space Odyssey.

But careful what you wish for, woman. By the time your new clothes arrive, Coleen will be onto something else. Something light and feathery, we expect.

That’s just how fashion works.

Get another take on things over at Kickette.

Thank God he didn’t get one saying ‘Performance & Cocktails’

Last month, we told you how Coleen organised a surprise appearance by the Stereophonics for the Rooney wedding reception, as they are Wayne’s favourite band. During their Vegas honeymoon, it appears that Wayne got out of the pool just long enough to have a tattoo etched onto his arm paying tribute to the Welsh rockers:

The unsightly forearm inking says ‘Just Enough Education to Perform,’ the name of the third ‘Phonics long player. The album, whose hits include the anti-media anthem ‘Mr Writer‘ and ‘Vegas Two Times‘, was titled in reference to a term applied to soldiers who are barely capable dressing themselves, let alone firing a weapon. Having left school without a single GCSE, Wayne obviously felt this was a fitting message to have imprinted on his skin for the rest of his life.

Spoiler bonus: JEEP is said to be Wayne’s favourite Stereophonics albums, but it is one of their worst. Here’s a track from their brilliant debut Word Gets Around…

Please Wayne, do SOMETHING!

Okay, now we’re all starting to feel awkward. Last week, The Spoiler showcased Wayne Rooney’s unbelievable lack of imagination as he and his new bride, Coleen, spent the first three days of their honeymoon languishing in the hotel pool until their entire bodies wrinkled like stewed prunes. But shockingly it didn’t end there. They’re still at it!

For Christ’s sake, hurry up and start Premier League season - these long watery silences are becoming unbearable!

Disturb yourself with pictures of Day Four and Day Five after the jump.