Come on Hull, at least try to stay up

After giving our two cents on how the five top flight London clubs should spend their cash yesterday, today we look at how the Premier League newcomers should invest their modest budgets in the closed season…

West Brom

Top priority:
Some new defenders - West Brom have got guys capable of scoring goals but at the back they are very leaky. They let in 55 goals last season and the last time the Championship winners conceded that many was way back in 1961. Don’t do what Derby did and sign a load of rubbish defenders though.

Fitting the bill: Calum Davenport, Michael Dawson, Stephen Kelly

Stoke

Top priority:
A Plan B - So Stoke won promotion by being brutish and scoring from Rory Delap’s long throws but Watford showed that physicality alone isn’t enough to survive. Last season Stoke forward Mamady Sidibe started 35 games and scored just four goals - more firepower is a must.

Fitting the bill: Harry Kewell, Shane Long, Marlon Harewood

Hull

Top priority:
Some youth and depth - Hull are ridiculed for relying heavily on old-timers Dean Windass and Nick Barmby but there’s nothing wrong with this policy as long as they are supplemented by some talented youngsters to help share the workload. A bit more quality and depth in defence is also a must.

Fitting the bill: Colin Kazim Richards, Younes Kaboul, Ali Al Habsi, Linvoy Primus

Today’s transfer rumours, some more ridiculous than others

Despite possessing a questionable state of mental health, a low quality tabloid has linked the man who drunkenly gave me a tenner on my tenth birthday (true story) with a managerial job in the Philippines. Frankly, there’s a better chance of Jermain Defoe declaring a vow of abstinence, but the rest of today’s rumours have a little more substance…

Paul Gascoigne to the Phillippines
The seldom-reliable Daily Star claim that The Phillippines want to ‘rescue’ Gazza by making him the manager of their national team. There must be logic in that idea somewhere but we’re not going to bother guessing what it is.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Ludicrous idea if true

David Bentley to Everton
Bentley’s bold transfer request might not have panned out as he intended it to. It’s not Liverpool and Chelsea throwing pound notes at him to seduce him, it’s Aston Villa and Everton.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: We still expect Chelsea to make a move

Ronaldinho to LA Galaxy
Forget about Barcelona, forget about Chelsea, hell, even forget about Manchester City. Despite only being 28, Ronaldinho