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UPDATE - Now with added correct answer

Belated congratulations to MwepuLlunga, Dark Knight and Chris A, for correctly telling the world that this extract, was from criminal Mark Ward’s recent book ‘Right Wing to B Wing’.

Today’s effort, in the ungoogleable competiton that is soon to retire leaving the people wanting more, is below. Whose chat is this:

The final game of the season, the final game of my league career, was at home to Barnsley. We had beaten them 1-0 at Oakwell earlier in the season in a match played in deep snow. Their centre-half, Mick McCarthy, had kicked lumps out of me for the whole game. Mick wasn’t my favourite man at the time, although he’s a friend now, and became a player at Manchester City for a while. I asked him if he got pleasure out of kicking an old man, and he just laughed. In that last match he was doing exactly the same. Eventually I’d had enough, so I turned round and gave him a whack with a big tackle and got sent off. It was a good tackle all right, and by the time the referee came over I was already on my way. I knew what was coming.

Leave your answer below, and the actual answer will be unveiled in tomorrow’s installment.

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Patience is a virtue Mr MwepuLlunga. As is getting the right answer in this quiz. So congratulations to <deep breath> eltigreferoz, rehab polga now, Clysidious, Ziggy, Steph, Laura, for all correctly identifying the serial shtupper as George Best.

Today’s effort , in the ungoogleable competition that is keeping Peter / Jordan off the front pages, should separate the men from the boys. Who cleverly put these words one after the other?

Barry Fry was Birmingham’s manager at the time, and I also received a call from him. It went like this: “Mark. I’ve followed your career since your Northwich days. Come and show these c**ts how to pass a ball!!!”

Leave your answer below, and the actual answer will be unveiled in tomorrow’s installment.

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After two days of sleepless nights, bribery and forensic combing of brains, thespoiler offers the heartiest of hearty congratulations to MwepuLlunga, for being the only entrant to correctly deduce that this exciting extract came from Steve Claridge’s second book, ‘Beyond the Boot Camp’.

We all quite frankly need a good night’s sleep, so today’s installment of the ungoogleable competition that ranked second on google trends yesterday, is slightly easier. Whose voice is this?

“A few nights later we went back with a couple of mates and word must have got round because almost overnight this little back-street pub became one of Manchester’s in-places. It helped that the Granada TV studios were close by because all the young actresses in town and the young hopefuls began staying there, which brightened the place up and offered me the chance of some new conquests.”

Leave your answer below, and the actual answer will be unveiled in tomorrow’s installment.

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A gentle teaser for the weekend led to correct answers from Sam Dale, Bigshow, Alvin Chang, Teshner, Dark Knight, Mizman, Q, Perdo Jardim, Stephie and MwepuLlunga, who all guessed that this extract was from Ryan Giggs’ autobiography. Goodie bags have been emailed to one and all.

Today’s entry of the ungoogleable competition that is the watercooler topic of conversation at every office in the country, can be found below. Who used some crayolas to write the following:

The one I have had trouble understanding is, ‘you fat bastard.’ I have always been among the leanest of specimens. Perhaps I have looked a bit blobby sometimes in midwinter down the years because I have to wear several T-shirts under my shirt. I feel the cold so badly, due to having an under-active thyroid gland as a result of taking pills for that heart defect I was diagnosed with when I was a teenager.

Leave your answer below, and the actual answer will be unveiled in tomorrow’s installment.

UPDATE - No correct answer thus far so we have our first rollover. Two pats on the back on offer therefore, if anyone can spot the winner. Today’s clue, is that it is the author’s second book, and this one focuses more on his brief managerial career to date.

We read them so you don’t have to

A powerful but not too violent pat on the back to all our entrants in yesterday’s competition. Alvin Chang, Mike the Handsome One Ruddick, Dark Knight (still 100%) and MwepuLlunga all correctly guessed that this extract was Bobby Charlton. Another easy one today, before we raise the bar a bit next week.

Today’s entry of the ungoogleable competition that like Kevin Pietersen, is slog sweeping the nation, can be found below. Who poured their heart out in such a manner?

Downstairs it was bedlam. The gaffer threw everyone out - some of them our non-footballing mates and girls who were nothing to do with him. But he was a man on a mission. Unstoppable. “Go on, get out. Out”  he shouted. “Go home! This is no f**king party house. Three young apprentices who were getting ready to go out, hid in the wardrobes and never got caught. They were still there when, with everyone else gone, the gaffer came downstairs and sat me on the settee with Lee opposite and absolutely slaughtered him, just ripped him to shreds. He was so angry I really thought he was going to hit Lee. He was shouting in his face, poking him in the chest, “You’re an absolute disgrace. You’ve done it this time. You’re out of this house and going back into digs. You can’t be trusted to live on your own because you’ve no self control.” He’d been in trouble before, but this was my first scrape and I was shitting myself.

Leave your answer below, and the actual answer will be unveiled in Monday’s installment.

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The Dark Knight kept up his 100% record yesterday, by correctly spotting that Wednesday’s extract was from Pele: the autobiography, one of five Edison Arantes do Nascimento has written down the years. But as Chelsea found out recently at Wigan, 100% records are there to be broken.

Today’s entry of the ungoogleable competition that like swine flu, is sweeping the nation, can be found below. Who may have said something along these lines to their ghost writer?

It wasn’t really a shop, more a kiosk beside the hotel reception desk, and I had the idea that I might buy a piece of jewellery for Norma. I would have made a wider investigation of shopping possibilities if we hadn’t been warned to be careful about leaving the hotel because there was so much random violence and thievery on the streets of Bogota. We were advised that if we did go out, the pavements were packed with peddlars, and we were told, pickpockets, so it should never be with fewer then three companions.

Leave your answer below, and the actual answer will be unveiled in tomorrow’s installment.

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Virtual spoiler goodie bags go out to JT, Dave and Dark Knight who correctly identified John Gorman’s ‘Gory Years’ from the short extract here.

Today’s entry of the ungoogleable competition that like Robbie from Eastenders, is sweeping the nation, can be found below. From whose mighty contribution to society is the following:

Some people have suggested that I was able to see more than other players because my eyes are further apart than normal. That’s not true but I did end up doing tests and I do have very good peripheral vision. You know, I cannot remember in three decades of playing football that anyone ever robbed me of the ball by coming at me from behind - not the way I see it happen so often to other players. No one was ever able to do this because I would always notice them coming I can’t explain how or why - whether I heard them or whether I saw them, or whether it was a sixth sense. And I’ve been like that since I was a boy. Maybe I developed it because in those days there would be loads of us playing in very small spaces, so you had to be really quick.

Leave your answer below, and the actual answer will be unveiled in tomorrow’s installment.

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Chaucer, Shakespeare, Austen, Orwell - just fragments of the British literary tradition that has served the nation’s readers for almost 1000 years. However, slip into any Waterstones these days, and it is the less intellectually-demanding tomes of chefs, footballers and slags cluttering up the shelves.

Also on its knees is the traditional competition. Whilst Google may, on balance, be a good thing, it has ruined television and radio competitions for good. So in salute to two dying breeds, thespoiler is proud to launch a brand new ungoogleable competition. Below is a typically dull extract from a former footballer’s autobiography. Using the self-contained clues, the challenge is to work out who penned it.

“The highlight of the season was getting to the Soccer Bowl and playing in front of 70,000 people in the Giants’ Stadium in New York. It was a real shame that we lost, getting beat 2-1 by Vancouver Whitecaps, with former Ipswich striker Trevor Whymark scoring both their goals, while I got booked after a clash with Alan Ball who was also on their team. The trouble was Bally lashed out because he mistook me for our Dutch midfielder Jan Van der Veen. When he saw it was me he apologised.”

Leave your answer below. The actual answer will be revealed in tomorrow’s installment of the competition that, like Boy George on community service, is all set to sweep the nation.