Textile millionaire’s consortium may not exist

Sunderland fans aren’t the only ones trying to make a monkey out of Newcastle Utd at the moment - today, the ailing club appear to have been the subject of a hoax takeover bid.

A press release issued on behalf of a textiles entrepreneur named Rick Parkinson circulated this morning, claiming the Ponteland businessman is leading a five-man consortium which intends to place a £90m bid on the club. Apparently, the prospective owners pledge to sink £30m into restructuring the business and a further £30m into a transfer kitty for Alan Shearer, the man they would install as permanent manager.

It sounds like a dream scenario for the Toon Army, but the credibility of the bid has been called into question. Seymour Pierce - the investment bankers charged with the gruelling task of selling the club - have not heard from Parkinson, and “well-placed sources” in the city know nothing of his proposed consortium.

Parkinson claims his troupe of knights in shining armour will contact the club within the next ten days (although not via the email address on the Newcastle OS - something he calls “undignified and without class”), but a press release from distributed via an unnamed PR agency to journalists has not inspired confidence in the validity of his plans.

The Telegraph quotes Parkinson thusly:

“I’m a Geordie through-and-through and it’s been heart-wrenching to see the club, and their long-suffering fans, being put through the Mill (sic) like this.

“This week’s latest developments, with the club trying to sell itself via an e-mail address on the official website, is just the final straw in what has been a wholly embarrassing tenure for Mr Ashley.

“It’s time for him to sell-up, and I believe the time is right for me to step forward. I’ve been

Abramovich gets 770 million reasons to sell up

Last week, we heard that Dr Sulaiman al-Fahim, the tycoon who led the Manchester City buyout, was part of an international consortium interested in buying Chelsea.

Today, it has been reported that awesomely-named German investment manager Holger Heims (the handsome devil pictured above next to the Doc) is part of the eight-person consortium, whose members hail from Europe, the Middle East and Asia.

There have not yet been any formal talks with Roman Abramovich, but the German money man has insisted any takeover negotiations would be ‘friendly’.

According to German paper Bild, the price tag of the West London club could be around €770m (£719m) - more than three times the sum paid for Manchester City, and more than five times the £140m Roman Abramovich dished out to take control in 2003.

Abramovich is said to have spent around £600m on Chelsea football club, so if the £719m price is accurate, the Russian could virtually break even if he decides to sell. In the present economic climate, that would be an absolutely incredible feat, and a very tempting reason to “cash out”.

Joe Kinnear still ‘keeping the seat warm’ for Geordie Messiah

Press reports today are saying that Kevin Keegan has met with three separate consortiums (consortia?) bidding to take Newcastle Utd away from the evil cockney mafia, all of whom are interested in re-installing him as boss.

A South African group are waiting to have £280m in staged payments accepted, while the Nigerians have offered to put £200m upfront. There is also a third unnamed consortium, who could possibly be the group of Brits currently sniffing around White Hart Lane.

A completely made-up source friend of Keegan’s told The Sun:

“Kevin’s return as manager is a key issue for some of the bidders.

“They want Kevin to be back in charge otherwise they might not continue their interest.”

KK’s return to St James’ Park might not be as smooth as the report suggests, however, as he will not drop the ongoing £8m constructive dismissal battle with the club.

Two buyers lined up for top flight’s worst performing club

No one needs to remind Spurs that their season-opening form is their worst in over half a century (although it’s quite funny to do so), but their strength on the pitch is far exceeded by their strength in the financial market: the club are said to be close to selling up to one of two buyers, who are interested taking over the profitable and successful business chairman Daniel Levy has created.

The club constantly deny a sale is on the cards, but today’s Guardian says a billionaire from the Far East could take the reins by the end of the week if a reasonable price is agreed and ’super-agent’ Pini Zahavi can broker a deal.

BBC columnist Mihir Bose reports that Levy and the board believe an acceptable price would be around £400m, and that a British consortium is also in the running.

Joe Lewis, owner of 82 per cent of the club, lost around £400m when Bear Stearns went down the pan, and may be looking to recoup the loss by selling. He shouldn’t find the task as difficult as the one Mike Ashley faces,