Former Northampton star sentenced for flashing incident

It’s comforting to know that we live in a world of karmic balance: when a soldier breathes his last breath, a baby is born. When Michael Bay is allowed to make yet another cinematic atrocity, we can look forward to Brüno. And when Cristiano Ronaldo leaves the UK, another over-sexed footballer makes headlines on our fair shores.

Former Northampton Town full back Danny May - currently playing at non league Enfield Town - will undergo a three-year sex offenders’ treatment programme for flashing his todger at a passer-by while on his way to a doctors’ surgery. When he arrived at the surgery, May requested a female nurse to inspect a lump on his genitalia - the prosecution in his court case believed this was a bizarre attempt to cover himself for the what he had done in the street earlier.

The Watford Observer quotes the unnamed victim, who spoke at the witness stand at Wood Green Crown Court:

“I was aware of a gentleman walking towards me at about 11am. I was walking with my head down as it was not very nice weather.

“I looked up and thought I could see something sticking out of the waistband of his jogging bottoms.

“Then I looked up again he was much closer, and what I thought was a little doll or little teddy bear was not what I initially thought.

“I realised what I had seen was his genitalia.”

Yes, you did read that correctly, the victim thought his man junk was a teddy bear. Lord only knows what kind of toys she had as a child.

Veteran star grasses up former teammate for DVLA offences

During his days at West Ham, Shaun Newton received a seven month ban for lapping up a little too much tasty cocaine. The midfielder, who is currently unemployed, now finds himself in more trouble, as he stands accused of nine charges of attempting to pervert the course of justice:

[Teddy Sheringham], 42, said ex-West Ham colleague Shaun Newton offered to “get rid” of the ticket after he was clocked at 64mph in a 40mph zone in 2005.

Sheringham told Croydon Crown Court: “I was moaning about getting the ticket, and Shaun Newton said, ‘Give me £50 and I’ll sort it out’.”

Ex-West Ham player, Bobby Zamora, 27, said he paid Newton to “have a look” at a ticket.

Allegedly, Newton helped teammates escape fines by claiming fictitious drivers were actually behind the wheel.

We can’t say too much, as legal proceedings are still active on this case, but if any illegal activity is proven, let’s hope the judge throws the book at them. All too often, cocky footballers believe they are above the rules that govern the rest of society, and this would bring them right back down to earth.

[The Sun]

Midfielder devises cunning plan to waste more of Newcastle’s money

Joey Barton’s post-Christmas ‘leave of absence’ has cost his club over £200k in wages, and now he has found another way of depriving his club of liquidity.

Barton was given bail on the condition that he remain under the supervision of the Sporting Chance clinic in Hampshire, and to curb his behavioural problems, he must observe a curfew between

Joey Barton’s special Christmas breakfast is breaking the Newcastle bank

According to his therapist at the Sporting Chance clinic in Hampshire, Joey Barton will not be playing in ‘the near future’.

The therapist, the brilliantly-named Peter Kay, says Joey will remain with him ’24 hours a day’ until his next court appearance on January 16. While Mr Kay will undergo irreparable emotional and physical damage during