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Today’s link dump will be accompanied by the haunting sounds of Esther Phillips singing a song about drugs. Winehouse, we assume you’re listening…

The frightening truth about lovely steroids

[With Leather]

Pussycat Doll intends to write some kind of song for Hamilton

[Grid Crasher]

Newcastle new boy looks like Liverpool legend

[Pies]

Make money from the art of gentlemanly cricket

[Chickendinner]

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Tenuous link to sport alert: British gymnast Alison Carroll is the new Lara Croft
[On205th]

Video: All your efforts at parallel parking are about to be put to shame
[Grid Crasher]

Why KP could bring home the Ashes
[chickendinner]

China faked the firework display in the Olympic opening ceremony? Is that possible?
[WithLeather]

Ruud Gullit has quit the LA Galaxy
[BBC]

Manchester City insist they are ‘not in jeapardy’
[Football 365]

Pietersen shuns future leaders of industry in nightclub

Last night, South African-born England cricket captain Kevin Pietersen squired his lovely wife Jessica Taylor about foggy London town, accompanied by his brother and his respective ladyfriend. The double-daters enjoyed fine sustenance at Nobu Berkeley, and then decided it was time to throw some shapes on the dancefloor. They arrived at popular WAG hangout Mahiki, but left immediately when they discovered it was student night.

Why the hatred for the work-shy university layabouts, Kev? Does the prospect of hordes of financially impaired youngsters throwing up on your shoes while dressed up in comedy golfing attire bother you that much? Hmm, point taken.

Spoiler bonus: See more of Jessica and her love of falconry here

The popstar who has just been crowned the First Lady of cricket

Following Michael Vaughan’s unashamedly teary adieu as England Cricket Captain yesterday, Kevin Pietersen (who was born in South Africa) has been named as the nation’s new fall guy. Thus, it seems fitting that today’s WAG of the Day should be KP’s wife Jessica Taylor. When she isn’t shooting her best ‘Blue Steel’ at the camera or enjoying a spot of under-dressed falconry, Jess dances and mimes in made-for-television pop band Liberty X.

Oddly-named model who once bowled over unpopular SA captain

South African captain Graeme Smith may not be the most-loved man in English cricket (KP once referred to him as an ‘absolute muppet’), but this has absolutely no effect on his ability to bring home the proverbial bacon in the WAG department. During the South Africa tour of India in 2004, the media couldn’t get enough of his relationship with Minki van der Westhuizen, who was the reigning Sexiest Woman in the World according to a popular gentleman’s periodical.

An antipodean cricket wife who can rock a cow-print bikini

Neil McKenzie - the man who smacked England all over the place for nine hours at Lords recently - has seen his cricket career hampered by awkward jibes of “where’s your sister,” mainly because she looks like this. Having a sibling voted the hottest woman in South Africa by a popular men’s magazine did prove beneficial, however, as he married her best pal, a Wonderbra model named Kerry McGregor.

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Boredom cure: Fancy driving a mini into Mark Lawrenson’s face? Come on, it’s Friday afternoon, you got something better to do?[Play Here]

Video: Having a 90mph cricket ball strike you in the face isn’t pleasant
[WithLeather]

Video: Hey JT, here’s how you take a penalty!
[The Offside]

God is Lewis Hamilton’s co-pilot
[Grid Crasher]

British lesbians prefer the same tennis player that British men do
[Thaindian News]

Richie Sambora wants to give David Beckham guitar lessons promote Bon Jovi’s tour by shamelessly associating with the Beckham brand
[NDTV Music]

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Why Manchester United are hopeless playing in Spain
[chickendinner]

Chicago Bulls mascot sued for over-zealous high fiving. Only in America…
[WithLeather]

Frank Rijkaard was robbed while he and his family slept
[Unprofessional Foul]

Indian cricket gets a visit from American cheerleaders, and one man is far too excited about it
[Machochip]

Fernando Alonso’s Renault is embarrassingly rubbish, so the least the stroppy Spaniard can do is make money from it
[Grid Crasher]

Third Test, Friday 21st, 10pm, bet here

Exciting developments in the world of organ transplants: people receiving the transplanted organs have been found to take on the personalities of the donors. After receiving the kidney of a brainy person, soap fan Cheryl Johnson, 37, suddenly found herself more interested in Egyptology and the novels of Dostoevsky. A woman previously terrified of heights became a climber after a transplant, and a child who received the heart of a murder victim suddenly started having terrible nightmares (expect horror franchise on this theme shortly.)

The England cricket team in New Zealand was also just one game away from needing an emergency talent transplant as a last throw of the dice - their ability to play competitively

The best sports on the telebox this weekend

Over the next few days, lads from good ol’ Blighty will be hawking their sporting wares on both sides of the equator: the rugger team will struggle to defeat the Irish on home soil, the cricket team will struggle to cover up their embarrassing first test in New Zealand, and tiny little Lewis Hamilton will probably struggle to defeat the might of Kimi Räikkönen in Australia (although I tip him to get pole at 5/2). Whether you have faith in our boys or not, show your alliances with a punt using the best odds available.

FRIDAY

Cricket - second test
New Zealand/ England (Sky Sports 1, 9pm)

Formula One
Australian GP Qualifying (ITV1, 2.15am) - chickendinner betting preview here

SATURDAY

Scottish Premier League
Motherwell/ Celtic (Setanta Sports 1, 12.30pm)

Six Nations
Italy/ Scotland (BBC1, 1pm)
England/ Ireland (BBC1, 3pm)
Wales/ France (BBC1, 5pm) - chickendinner betting preview here