The latest transfer news fresh from the rumour vine

Arsene Wenger recently rocked the footballing world by sending a fax to Milan, warning them to stop sniffing around Emmanuel Adebayor. The threat in itself wasn’t the shock, but rather his method of communication - Internazionale’s fax machine had probably been lying dormant since 1989 when the Frenchman’s choice words came through. If he runs out of fax paper, which surely can’t be bought in the 21st century, he’ll probably end up sending a telegram or a small messenger boy in a toga to Barcelona…

Emmanuel Adebayor to Barcelona
Arsene Wenger had just finished mopping his brow at the news Milan would accept Arsenal’s decision not to sell Adebayor when Barcelona rode in to declare the striker their number one target.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: A possibility considering Eto’o is leaving

Dani Guiza to Arsenal
But don’t fear Arsenal fans, what better way to recover from the loss of the Premier League’s joint-second goalscorer than by replacing him with La Liga’s number one?

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Maybe, Champions League clubs are bound to chase

Claude Makelele, Lillian Thuram, Robert Pires and Ludovic Giuly to Paris Saint Germain
Some bright spark at PSG has decided it would be a stroke of genius to bring together a group of French veterans who would surely take the league by storm and guarantee instant success.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: It seems not everyone in France watched Euro 2008

Peter Crouch to Portsmouth
Harry Redknapp has told

The Red Devils may have an extra £80m to play with

After exposing the gaps the five London clubs and the Prem newbies need to fill, we have now condiered the manner in which Manchester Utd and Liverpool should redistribute their cash this summer…

Manchester Utd

Top priority:
The best deal for Ronaldo - If he wants out, get shot of him. If United demand big money, Real Madrid are likely to agree and if not, they keep him.
Fergie should demand Wesley Sneijder, who has outperformed Ronaldo at the Euros, in exchange and then use the remaining money to buy another striker.

Fitting the bill: Wesley Sneijder, Dani Guiza, Luis Fabiano, Dimitar Berbatov

Liverpool

Top priority:
A quality winger - Liverpool already boast Gerrard, Mascherano, Alonso, Lucas and Plessis in central midfield so it’s confusing that they make Barry the main priority. Babel is quality, but Kuyt’s a striker and Benayoun and Pennant aren’t good enough.

Fitting the bill: Aiden McGeady, Franck Ribery, Robinho, David Bentley

Spoiler bonus: Here’s who should be on the shopping lists of the other two Merseyside and Manchester clubs…

Everton

Top priority:
A new Lee Carsley -

The best nude model/ football agent/ Euro 2008 WAG out there

It appears that Nereida Gallardo isn’t the only Spanish WAG who will display her chemically-enhanced chest at the drop of a five Euro note. Today’s WAG of the Day is Nuria Bermúdez, one of Madrid’s most recognized ‘It’ girls who makes Danielle Lloyd’s impressive tally of footballer conquests look laughable.

In her prime, which appears to have begun not long after her fifteenth birthday, she boasted that she had slept with no less than six of Real Madrid’s first team. In addition, she claimed to have exchanged ‘raunchy texts’ with David Beckham and was sued by Luis Figo for suggesting he was two-timing his lovely model wife Helen Svedin with her. Interestingly, neither player ever denied the allegations.

As you may expect from any self-respecting lady who will happily remove her top on live television, she has served her time under C-Ron. During Euro 2008, however, the salacious wild child will be cheering on her new-ish husband, Spanish striker Dani Güiza.

All today’s rumours in a big sexy list

While the football season ended about a week ago, Rafa Benitez had built up so much talking momentum that his mouth has failed to stop, and the last few days have seen him overheard by passers-by droning about how he wants more money, and Wenger’s an idiot, and he’s the boss of the best team ever, and the world is cruel. He wants money! More money! Arrrrrggggghhhhh!…. shut up, Rafa. Shut up and read.

Samuel Eto’o to Chelsea
Having previously failed to sign Luka Modric, it really looks like Chelsea are keen to lose all of Tottenham’s transfer targets. At this rate Spurs might start thinking they’re a big club. What’s that? They do already? Very funny.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: This one could depend on Frank Rijkaard

Frank Lampard to Inter Milan…again
The Daily Mirror seem to be on top form again. On the very same day that every other paper leads with the story that Roberto Mancini will reject Chelsea and stay at Inter, the Mirror report that Jose Mourinho is definitely off to Italy and Lampard will be joining him. Those people are either way ahead of the game, or stuck in April.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Hmmmmmmmm