That’ll be Dani Alves, not Robinho

In August 2007, Chelsea attempted to acquire the services of Brazilian defender Daniel Alves from Seville. The Spanish club were insulted by the Blues’ low offer (£13.5m), and Alves made a €29m move to Barcelona the following summer, becoming the world’s most expensive right back.

The Mirror today claim the West London club are chasing the Brazilian once again, but The Spoiler has detected three obstacles for the deal: Barcelona do not need to sell, he has a whopping £90m price clause in his four-year contract, and Manchester City are also said to be sniffing around.

Meanwhile, reports are surfacing concerning the future of Florent Malouda. According to The Sun, Juventus have made contact with the Frenchman’s representatives, and are preparing an £11m summer bid.

Spoiler bonus: Check out some Dani Alves video highlights after the jump…

Today’s alliterated movers and shakers in the world of soccerball

The papers believe Frank Lampard is one step closer to the European fashion capital because Jose Mourinho has taken five days off his holiday to broker the deal. Yes, that’s a full five days he’s missing from his year-long vacation, so you know he means business.

Cristiano Ronaldo latest
Sir Alex Ferguson’s threat to let Ronaldo rot in the reserves is threatened by a FIFA ruling allowing players to rip up their contracts if they don’t play in 10% of matches. We doubt Fergie will be too scared: he could just play him in the Community Shield, League Cup, a nothing Champions League group game and against Hull and Stoke.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Another stupid FIFA rule that will have little effect on the deal

Italian football to accept Adebayor defeat
AC Milan no longer believe they have a divine right to any Premier League player they want and will give up pursuit of Adebayor after Arsenal rejected an offer. Real Madrid may wish to take note. Dick Advocaat’s announcement that Andrei Arshavin will move to Spain or England won’t do much good for Italy’s ego either.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Kudos to Milan if true

Aaron Lennon to Newcastle
So let’s get this straight. After a massive losing streak, King Kev stumbled

While everyone else is out topless sunbathing, The Spoiler has been zooming about the undergrowth hunting for transfer rumours. Today this is what they’re saying:

Michael Owen to Everton
After Keegan’s inspirational speech about never becoming a top four team, it seems that Michael Owen is frantically searching for the Newcastle exit. So desperately that he’s been linked with the old enemy. Nice one Keegs.

Daniel Alves to Manchester United
United’s burly shaved gorillas in suits will be seething after Chelsea nabbed Boswinga while they were outside bumping chests and celebrating the contract. Their revenge will be creeping into Sevilla and bundling Alves onto the back of Sir Alex’s motorbike.