All today’s big transfer news in a LIST

Congratulations, Bioparco Zoo in Rome, you have a name that sounds like a weird 80s B-movie about strange mutant animals eating innocent people, but also, you’re now home to a brand new baby giraffe, who is yet to be named. The Spoiler would like to suggest a strong name like Agamemnon or Greg. It’s your call. In other exciting news, transfer speculation has been going through the roof!

Peter Crouch to leave for free
Crouch is livid that Benitez has demanded £15 million for his services and is ready to stick two gigantic fingers up at his boss by sitting awkwardly on the bench for another year. Then, come summer, he can pack his enormous suitcase and head somewhere else for nothing.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Hey, Peter’s supposed to be a friendly giant… but then again, so was Lennie in Of Mice and Men, and everyone knows what happened there. Right?

Rafael van der Vaart to Chelsea
Just as they like to tempt fantastic players to their club, Chelsea also like to maintain a fine stable of WAGs. Rafael’s wife, Sylvie, would make for a splendid inclusion.