“Thanks Dad!”

Sweet baby Moses, Mondays can hit a man in the underpants, as the heady weekend hours of boozing in some glitzy high street wine bar, then snogging a stranger’s mouth for twenty minutes in a doorway before puking and stumbling home become just a beautiful distant memory. Will things ever be that good again? Will they?

It’s depressing, but one group of heroes immune to these cruel weekly cock-punches are the hardened sports hacks - from the likes of The Daily Mail, The Mirror, Marca, The Telegraph etc… - who know how to just shut up moaning and get back to work. Here’s what we know today about football transfers…

Eastenders viewing figures not under threat this evening

Tranmere Rovers vs. Stockport County (7.45pm, Sky Sports 1)
Tranmere play their first game without the recently sacked John Barnes, as club physio Les Parry attempts a Nigel Adkins by trading the magic sponge for the tactics board in the guise of caretaker boss.

Both sides have struggled of late: the hosts have just one win in their last 11 while Stockport have won just once on the road in the league since February. Stockport sit 20th in the table and Tranmere occupy 22nd, making it a potential six pointer for the relegation candidates.

Oldham Ath Reserves vs. Manchester Utd Reserves (7pm, MUTV)
United reserves are looking to defend the Manchester Senior Cup for the third year running and tonight come up against Oldham. On paper, it may not sound like the most riveting